Am I In Love?

Howdy, everyone! So the Love is In the Air series has been going quite well so far! Thank you for reading up on it and leaving your wonderful comments! And thank you so much to those of you who have followed my blog. It means the world to me that you guys take the time to read what I write--because everything I write on this blog is for you! That being said, if you have any questions or suggestions, please don't hesitate to leave them in the comments and I will always do my best!

Have any of you guys ever asked, "What is it like to be in love?" or "I love ______"? The question that I'm trying to get to is: How do we know if we love someone?

But maybe to answer this question, we must first ask, "What is love?"

I think that society tells us that love is this:

I mean, who isn't a sucker for those stories where boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, and everything is happy?

But if I were to conjure up an image of love, it would have to be something like this:

This is a picture of my grandparents <3

 

We want to believe that love is this strong wildfire that sets our hearts on fire, a feeling that consumes us from the inside out. I think we want to believe love is a mutual feeling that we have with someone--a crazy, strong feeling that we act upon in our youth. We want to believe that love is a feeling because it is simple. Feelings are obvious. Feelings are only one aspect in our lives that we consider.

 

We know, however, that love is so much more than a feeling. It is a relationship. It is what you prioritize. But above all, love is an action.

 

Love involves doing. I mean, just think about it. If you love your friend, in a bromance or best friend sort of way, don't you do stuff for them? Aren't you there for them when they need help? Don't you offer comfort or advice when they're feeling down? How can you call someone your friend if you guys don't depend on each other? Well, the same goes for romantic love.

 

That being said, the answer to the question "Do I love _______?" can be answered if you rephrase the question into, "Am I willing to make significant sacrifices for this person?" or "Will I put this person's needs before my own?"

 

Answering whether you love somebody or not is a simple thing to do, but it isn't easy. But more about it in the next post ;)

 

In the meantime, smile on. 



"I Still Love You, But You're Not Worth The Pain."

I found the following quotation from Ritu Ghatourey: "Moving on isn't about not loving them anymore and forgetting them. It's about having the strength to say 'I still love you, but you're not worth the pain.'"

While I was playing the second movement of the Carmen Fantasy, I thought about Jay. [Which is 0:00-2:20ish in the following video.]

I actually have trouble playing this part of the piece because it is in a minor key but my instinct is to play in in a major key. (I suppose that's why I end up thinking about him.)

I discussed a little bit about my motives to talk to Jay in this post, but finally on Monday, I had the courage to reach out to him. I saw him, tried to be friendly, and later texted him, asking if it were possible to talk sometime. Initially, he was willing, but when I revealed that I would like to try to rebuild our friendship, he began slamming walls against me. There are some striking parts of our conversation that leave me...confused.

Me: "Ok, here's what I've wanted to say: I'd like to try rebuilding our friendship and I don't think that the bad things from the relationship are worth hating each other for forever because I was the first relationship and we were still learning."

Jay: "...You deserve better than me. I am not worth being friends with... I'm a hateful, cynical person. I treated you like shit toward the end. I'm sorry; you deserved better. I read your story and was blown away by how well written it was. You're going to go places. I'm all for ending on a positive note, but you deserve far better than anything I'm capable of."

Me: "...I think that people are put into our hearts for a reason, and I believe that in your heart you are better than you have been behaving--that's why I liked you. I had faith in that part. To be honest though it's a very fragile belief, has been for a while...I don't think friendships/relationships are supposed to be about "deserving" each other, but learning from each other, and I am sincerely concerned about your well-being. I told you I forgave you, and I still do... I thought you were better and all of those actions were a method of coping."
Despite my words, however, he still declined.

creepypasta.wikia.com

Even now, I have trouble making sense of many things concerning our relationship.

Is it normal for someone to look back at his/her first relationship and feel...trifled?

Last night, I felt lost, like I had failed somehow. That somehow, if I had tried harder I would've been able to reestablish the connection with him or that somehow things would've all worked out, and we would've been able to show others that finding goodness even in a broken friendship is possible. Maybe, if I'd done better, he would've found the awesomeness that is inside of him, and that as a result he would never have made such self-depreciating comments.

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But today I finally realize that those conflicts that Jay has are ones that he must deal with himself. He is the one who must live with himself for the rest of his life, after all. I truly do want to help him, but the best way I can help him right now is by leaving. (Is there even another option?)

It is so hard walking away.

I hope that things will start to look up for him, sooner than later. In the meantime, all I can do is pray. I might not be able to soothe his anger or give him a better perspective in life, but God can.

Thank you to those that have been with me through this, and I would also appreciate having your prayers for Jay and me as well, if it's not too much to ask.

I hope that you take away something from this story; it certainly has given me a lot to think about.

-Riley XO

Thank you for reading this post, and please join me on the magical journey of life by subscribing by email or Bloglovin'. I am still at such an early stage of life, so there will definitely be better things to report in the Diary label of this blog in the future, but otherwise I post many things that are inspiring, fun, or quirky and would very much like to share and connect with you the lessons I am learning in this adventure of a lifetime.

Submerged in Happiness Day One: 5 People

Good morning (or night, wherever you may be)! I follow a page called Quote of the Day on Facebook. They provide some witty lines and amusing quips that are easy to remember, and recently they started adding an artistic element to their quotations. I found this one striking:

 

With it being the last summer of high school and upon turning eighteen a couple weeks ago, I've been spending some precious time with the people who have meant the most to me. So the first thing I thought of when I saw this quotation was my group of best friends that I've been with since grade school. (There are five of us.)

The other night, we put on makeup and prom dresses, snapped way too many pictures, and then slipped into some summer dresses to go to a splendid fondue restaurant. These four girls are such a blessing--I cannot express fully enough how much I love them.

What makes our friendship so strong is that we are accepting. We ultimately love unconditionally despite flaws, distance, or fights. Basically, as a group, we make great memories, support one another, and laugh without end.

I don't believe that we can really choose who we spend the most time with because God has a plan which includes who we end up seeing day in and day out. However, I do agree that the traits of the people who are closest to your heart will influence your actions.

I remember that one of my very dear friends was a pessimist, but the more and more time I spent talking with him, my own heart began to grow darker, more egocentric. During that period, I didn't realize this, but while I was with my other friends I began to notice that this was happening.

So, guys, learn that others' beliefs start to become your own, especially if those people are closest to you.

I thought of two quotations that, when put together with the quote of the day above, form a powerful, powerful message--so powerful that I've written "powerful" four times already!

Firstly, here are the lyrics of a little sing-along piece I learned as Little Riley:

Oh be careful little eyes what you see, oh be careful little eyes what you see. For the Father up above is looking down in love so be careful little eyes what you see.
(It also repeats with "little ears what you hear" and "little lips what you say.")

And secondly, Gandhi's famous words are:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”  

It is so important to be wary of what is going into your mind and shaping your beliefs, because that is what becomes a quintessential part of you.

I think that what's most important is submerging yourself with positivity in order to unlock the full potential inside. Love the people who say "It is possible," ones who walk around with a smile, ones who support and see the value inside of you. As you are submerged with people like this, you'll also start to behave prosocially, which is synonymous with leading a fulfilling, happy life.

I'll be hosting a mini-series on this blog this week consisting of three posts that address what sort of things you can submerge yourself in with the goal of smiling no matter.

For Day One today, just take some time to think about who your closest friends are, why you love them, and what you do for each other. Think about your family--all that your parents have taught you, all the camaraderie you share with any siblings or cousins. And finally, take a brief moment to talk to them. Thank them for everything they've been through with you; they have played a vital role in shaping you to be the person you are now, after all.

I'm going to challenge myself and you to thank five people (in addition to family) for shaping the beliefs engrained within my heart and pushing me along the path to where I am today.

Take care!
-Riley XO