LIFE UPDATE: My 2015 Spring Semester

Happy Friday!! Today I was going through some of the lovely comments from past posts that you guys left for me and realized how much I've been neglecting this blog. I was nominated for a lot of wonderful blog awards and would like to do them sometime in the future, but there are so many other things that I want to share with you. I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to the kind readers who recognized Smiles No Matter. I am really grateful for the nominations and will get around to writing those posts when time allows.

• The Blogger Recognition Award from The Life of Little Me
• Stahp You're Too Sweet For Your Own Good Award from Edge of Night
• Stranded on a Desert Island Tag from Sammie the Stargirl
• The Lovely Blog Award from The Life of Little Me

Anyhow, today I'll just be sharing a bit about what I've been up to lately, just so we can catch up and then get rolling with a lot of fresh, inspiration as the school year comes to a close and summer begins!

stylonica.com

So to be honest, this semester was really intense. I had a lot of things to juggle because my jobs suddenly dumped a lot of hours on me. For those of you that don't know, I am working two jobs this semester: I'm a tutor for writing, psychology, and general chemistry, and also work at the front desk of a residence hall. I absolutely love tutoring. I love connecting with my "tutees," watching how they mature and learn, and having the feeling that I have helped someone with something. It's not the perfect job, but it is really nice to do during college.

My desk job, on the other hand, is actually more stressful than what it's worth. I work some crazy night shifts and it was difficult near the middle of the semester because my boss had assigned me many of these shifts on the days I had 8am classes, despite my having discussed my schedule with him/her before this semester. The lack of sleep has just been really draining on me, and I am pretty underpaid and under-appreciated at my job, as are most people who work night jobs.

But, a lot of positives have also come out from having these jobs. Without the work, I wouldn't have met some of the people I know, and sadly I can't deny that making money is becoming more important to me, because it opens up doors for me to do things that I am passionate about. I started sponsoring a child in India through World Vision. I can treat my friends to dinner. I don't really have to worry about not being able to do the things I want to do due to financial issues. Not to mention that taekwondo is an expensive sport when it comes to traveling and entering tournaments.

Speaking of tournaments, taekwondo this semester was geared a lot toward preparing for a major tournament: Collegiate Nationals. I'd have to say that taekwondo has become that part of my life that would cripple me if I were to lose it. This year's competition went amazingly for our team this year! We brought home six medals!! Although I didn't medal in my division, I feel like I have improved so much since I began fighting. I am just so grateful to be more involved with taekwondo, and look forward to training even harder during the upcoming year.

For those of you interested in how the tournament went for me, here is a link to a video that shows my fights and form.

Volunteering has also been going well. I am a part of Alpha Phi Omega, which is a non-Greek, co-ed fraternity that is dedicated to community service. I am currently the Service Co-Chair on the executive board, and have just been getting people excited about doing community service. I started volunteering with the Counseling and Psychological Services as well. I basically promote healthy living and try to destigmatize mental health issues. I have learned so much being a part of it!

Other than that, I would have to say that this semester has been the most challenging academically so far. I am currently taking 16 credit hours; Organic Chemistry II has been kicking my butt, and I've had to really buckle down to study for the last exam before the final. College is not easy! But it is rewarding. I particularly enjoy my English class, which has tons of daily readings (we are reading eight books, plus journal articles and short stories, in four months); the discussions that stem from these readings are so fascinating.

All of the things going on in my life have just consumed a lot of energy. Which is not necessarily a bad thing--I want to live my life to the fullest, and I want to give my all. But it hasn't left a lot of time and inspiration for this blog, and I am very sorry about that. Recently, I've been getting inspired and excited about everything again, so I am looking forward to writing to you more and posting more vlogs!

Thank you for reading all of my updates and thoughts! Sorry if this was a little boring to you; there is just a lot in my life that I want to share with you. How do you think your semester has been? Let me know in the comments!

Smile on,
-smilesifyXO

Summer 2014

Good morning, everyone! It seems kind of crazy to be thinking about the end of summer already, but it's come to the point where next week is my last week of work and I'm already making plans to move into my new home. This summer has been sort of a transitional period in my life, and although I didn't picture it to have gone this way, I am grateful for the peace I've been gaining as a result of it. Today I just wanted to share my summer experiences (and plans for the school year) and hearing all about yours. Please let me know all about the highlights of your summer or exciting plans in the comments below!

From wacky sleep cycles, to making money, to getting ready for the new school year, to Skyping with a special friend, to learning yoga, to consuming way too much sugar, it's been a lazy schedule overall. I think that when I'm living at home, I tend to enter some sort of state of hibernation. I learned the other night that when you don't get enough sleep on a night, you start to accumulate sleep debt, which can be made up for by sleeping a little longer within the next few nights. Considering my sleep schedule (or lack of it) during the year, I shudder to think about how much sleep debt I probably have. But the good news is that I've been paying off the deficit gradually.

Speaking of debts, I did my best to work a whole lot to help minimize that student debt. Last week I worked 38 hours, which is the most I've ever done. This week, I'll just have 28 hours which will be pretty nice. I surprisingly have a lot of expenditures: club fees, taekwondo competitions, plane flights (I'm hoping to visit my uncle sometime this year), and of course going out to movies and meals with friends. I recently started tracking my budget through mint.com, and I was utterly astounded at how much food I bought. People with mortgages will probably laugh at me, but I spent so much money on food this summer! I was quite impressed with myself. Anyhow, this summer it dawned on me that living can get pretty expensive. So, I went on to apply for two jobs and managed to land both of them.

The first job is probably the one that you'll care more about (I'll explain why): working the front desk at the residence hall I'll be living in. I've got the graveyard shift, guys. There won't be very much to do during these wee hours of the night, so I'll probably be writing to you during these times! I can't make any promises, but we might step it up from one post a week to two posts a week. I guess we'll see how it goes! My semester is going to be a lot busier because I'll also be working as a tutor and also got a position as a research assistant in a health psychology lab. I am definitely excited to be busy this semester after a relaxed spring semester fresh from transferring and the lazy pace of this summer.

Some of my friends found it hard to believe when I told them, but I haven't practiced any taekwondo this summer! There were just too many conflicts with my work schedule and personal things going on too. I try to console myself by saying that I've been doing yoga. Don't get me wrong--the meditative style of yoga has helped with my flexibility and is great fun. It's a form of exercise that I'm hoping to incorporate into my morning routines during the school year because I do enjoy it, but I missed taekwondo quite a lot. Anyhow, these are two of my favorite yoga classes by Ali Kamenova that I've found to be awesome for beginners and have been trying to master lately:

Other than that, I had a wonderful experience going on a cruise around Scandinavia and Northern Europe earlier this summer! We ate lots of delicious food, met many incredible people, and saw lovely sights. It was an absolute pleasure and I am grateful for that family time.

Well, those are my highlights. What are some of yours? And what are you most looking forward to for the year? Let me know in the comments! Next week, I'll be writing a post on what working in the food industry has taught me, so don't forget to subscribe!

Smile on,

-Riley XO

A Tribute to Freshman Year

Hello there, everybody. A lot of you probably know that I started a series called Health in College, but then I realized that I had bad timing with it when I had my second-to-last final. So I don't know how much you were looking forward to the next parts of the series, but those will be posted in August!

...my bad...

Anyway, it's been a while since I just talked about myself and what I've been up to--it has already been half a month since I last wrote to you!--so I figured that now is the time to do it. My year was so full of adventure and unexpected events that I'd like to reflect on. I'm planning to start some sort of spiritual study (I shall announce a book of choice soon!) that'll last over the summer, so if you don't care much about my life and would much rather read something along those lines then please tune in next week or check out the archives!

My first semester was an absolute blessing. I attended a Jesuit school in the Mid-West and it fit me like a glove. I was part of a service and justice community; we had discussions about world issues every week, and I also volunteered at a center for refugees three hours a week as well. I met hundreds of wonderful individuals, some of which became my closest friends, and learned new things about the world and myself every day. I remember waking up in the mornings to thank God for putting me in a place where I felt so happy, at peace. [Depicted on below on the left is me adding my thumb-print and signature to the community tree; on the right is a picture of me and my two good friends just before stuffing our faces with delicious salad, steak, and desserts.]

It was here at this school where I learned the lesson of gratitude. Beauty is everywhere; all you have to do is look up.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough--and more.
-Melody Beattie

I also took this wonderful class that I'd originally thought would be the most mundane one in the world: Christianity in Context. My professor was a spry young man filled with fresh ideas that changed my entire perspective on Faith. It was a wonderful experience for me. Although I was introverted, he still asked for my opinions--he did his best to include the entire class on discussions. I wish all theology classes could be as open and welcoming as his.

First semester was also a busy time as I ran from one meeting to the next. I'd wanted so much to be involved, and there were a ton of awesome organizations at this school that I just had to be a part of. I wasn't bored for a moment. Every hour was an adventure!

You could probably imagine how heartbroken I was when I transferred the next semester to a state university due to personal reasons. I don't mean to bring sadness to this blog, but I went through a very difficult period of my life that really rocked my world.

Just so I don't turn this post into a big ol' sob story, I want to say that there are two major things that are helping me move away from all of the pain that happened after my first semester: pursuing my passion and little acts of kindness.

My biggest passion isn't that hard to guess:

End of the year picture of the team! Can you find me?

I joined the Taekwondo team and grew stronger physically and emotionally. I cannot fully express how welcoming, accepting, and loving this team was/is. Taekwondo has been a passion since the first time I tried it a few years ago, but being a part of a group that is as passionate as I am--maybe even more!--pushed me to pursue goals that I'd never even dreamed of before. I love this team so much because they not only gave me a place--they welcomed me here and would probably put up a fight if I tried to leave. (No pun intended.)

Also, the little acts of kindness. They're pretty self-explanatory, but I believe that I wasn't able to appreciate firsthand how impactful they are until this last semester. It's just that my parents raised me to be a headstrong, confident person, and I have been blessed with loving family and friends...it simply didn't matter how other people treated me because I had everything that mattered in an arm's reach. But at this new school, feeling as isolated and vulnerable as I did, small glitters of kindness made it all seem that much less hostile.

So when you hear people tell you to always show kindness because you never know what somebody is going through, IT'S TRUE! 

Despite the difficult times, I still found myself growing and smiling. (Continuing with writing the blog and reading your comments really helped keep me on track!) The college experience on its own is uplifting. I had the privilege of sharing my story, listening to others', and becoming a part of their stories too. I look forward to continue this theme of story-telling.

New friends and special memories <3

It was also this semester when I decided that I would take another whack at writing my novel. Remember last November? Hopefully this summer will go a lot better! (One can only hope, right?) Anyway, I'm planning to continue blogging too, so please continue checking in for weekly posts!

I don't know what it'll be like for you guys, reading this diary entry. There is a lot to reflect upon, so I had to pick and choose a couple things to share with you. I'm sorry if it seemed scatterbrained at any points... Picking and choosing can be difficult when it comes to your own life!

But now that you've heard a bit of my year, I'd like to learn about how yours was! What was one of your favorite experiences? What's one thing you've learned? Please leave a comment (or link to your blog if you've reflected on the school year too), and I'll see you next week!

Smile on,
-Riley XO

THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS UPON US!

Hello everyone. It has been such a busy time of year as for many university students it is finals week. I can't say that I'm in a spot worse than anyone else's, but my university practically disregards the meaning of dead week. Long story short, I had a unit exam in Gen Chem this last Friday. But on the plus side, I actually did have a productive dead week and am looking at a pretty easy finals week as far as finals week goes, so that's cool.

That being said, was anyone else blindsided by the holiday season?

I am from Colorado, so I'm used to seeing snow for a solid month before Thanksgiving. But here at school we've only had a sheet-thin snow one time last November. For a while, it really just felt like it was pretty much the same speal of college, just getting colder. Then suddenly, I went home for Thanksgiving. And then suddenly, there were two weeks left in the semester!

Anyway, although finals week is at the absolute forefront of my mind, the magic of Christmas is settling in too. The university I attend put a great deal of effort into making the campus look absolutely splendiforous. 

Who else out there is a sucker for pretty lights?

And it also snowed today (about 3-4 inches), which made the quick walk for a study break really special. Then, this evening for church, we read Bible verses and sang carols that corresponded to the stories. I'm at that point right now where I don't know if I should say "Good luck on finals" or "Merry Christmas," so for today I'll just have to wish you good luck on finals and a merry Christmas.

Take care,

-Riley XO

P.S. I am making some minor changes to Smiles throughout the rest of this year (so that studying for Calculus will not consume and destroy my life). If you have any feedback, please let me know by shooting me an email or leaving a comment. There will be a new section called "Dear Friend," which I am so excited for, and I'm also planning to update the "About" page (also, what do you guys think of the pictures I'm starting to incorporate?). I know a lot of bloggers say this when they start thinking about New Year's Resolutions, but I'm also going to try posting more too. I'm trying to get into vlogging for fun too, so I guess we'll see what I find time for. Thank you for reading as always--please follow and subscribe!--and I hope that you have a great rest of your day. 

P.P.S. For those of you who may have ever wondered, tree squirrels do not hibernate but ground squirrels do. I saw a squirrel wandering out in the snow today and could not decide if they hibernated a lot and just looked it up two seconds ago.

P.P.P.S. Look at this red squirrel, it's so adorable and fluffy!!

discoverwildlife.com

My Actual November (So Far)

Hey guys. So there is a certain flow to life, and sometimes the flow takes you to a different place than you'd probably expect. This November, I was planning to have more alone time writing a novel and making videos. However, life had its own ideas for me.

The major thing that happened was that I became the vice president of the residence hall council here. Since I'm responsible for keeping track of what happens in meetings and watching the budget, I now have to attend  three meetings a week and spend more time planning fun events for the hall. It is definitely a job that I enjoy, but it also makes it difficult to write a novel because the meetings essentially consumes the time that I had originally allotted for writing and making videos.

Two other changes occurred: 1) I joined a peer educators program that basically is about promoting healthy lifestyles on campus, and 2) my friend and I started a tae kwon do club for the campus. I'm really passionate about these new activities because they involve helping the people around me, and sharing the confidence, strength, and discipline that comes with martial arts.

brainerd.com

I feel guilty for failing to write the novel and devote time to making videos because I was really looking forward to it, and I know that you guys were too. Monday was the last day for the leadership workshop that I was participating in, so hopefully I'll be able to use that time slot to film. I found some issues with editing with my first video, and I want to make the next video better, so it may take a while for me to complete it. But thank you so much to the people who have been hanging in there and supporting me through the process. I appreciate it bunches!

That being said, I am about to start a post that's all about getting ready for finals. This is going to be a hectic time of year, so I'm going to share my little survival tips for making it through, getting the best grade possible while staying sane and balanced. It will hopefully be up for this coming Tuesday!

So there is just a quick update for you guys on what's been going on in my life. How has your month been going so far? Let me know in the comments!

-Riley XO

Surviving the First Weeks of College

Hello everyone! It's been quite a while since I've been able to sit down and write a nice long post, but I have finished most of my other work beforehand so that I could finally take some time out and update you about what I've been up to lately, which is something that is only fair since you guys showed so much support during the series Get Ready For College With Me.

Just thought this was a cool pic from yuzmerkle.com

A former Astronomy teacher said that there's not really that big of a difference between classes in high school and classes in college. I actually agree with him on this one. University professors aren't more brilliant or enlightening by any drastic measure. Each one has their own style, and some styles are better than others, just like high school teachers. With that said, my classes aren't too bad this semester; my most challenging class would have to be Calc II just because the pace is pretty intense (I do think it's worth it, though!).

Even though the classes themselves aren't that different, it doesn't mean that a lot of other things have changed.

The biggest adjustment I had to make was moving from a quiet home in the suburbs to a dorm that's right by a street in the city. Living here, there isn't much of an option to be antisocial and stay cooped up at home playing video games. There're usually people getting food together, wanting to do homework, wanting to go to other places on campus--most of the first friends I made are the ones that live with me because I see them every day. I also find myself going out now that the excuse of having a long drive has been eliminated--our campus is a relatively small one, so everything is within walking distance and I've had so much fun going to sports games, attending Christian events, visiting friends, and hitting the gym.

However, living in the dorms also has its cons because I found myself downscaling starting from all the space I could ever want within my parents' house to this:

Plus a wardrobe for my clothes.

So although there's an entire campus at my fingertips and my roommate is extremely considerate and sweet, my actual personal space is basically limited to my bed and desk. For me it's definitely a fair trade so far, though.

I've also found my personality changing due to the new environment. It is so much easier to make friends in college because you move from a place where everyone knew each other to a place where no one knows each other yet, so in general people are extremely open to one another. I have met more people than I could count within these first few weeks, and it's been an absolute blessing. I've also prayed to find some good friends and I'm starting to find those, too. 

My biggest advice to anyone who's struggling to make friends freshman year is to throw self-consciousness out the window and start saying "hi" to people. I actually went door to door through my entire hall introducing myself when I ran for a position in the inter-residence hall government. Although I didn't win, a majority of the people in my hall--from all five floors--recognize my name and face. At first, starting conversations takes some effort and courage, but eventually it becomes natural and people will start approaching you in return. (I'm planning to write a post about this sometime in the upcoming weeks, so please subscribe to see tips for making new friends even as an introvert!)

The second major change that I've experienced is that there are significant breaks in between classes. This presents opportunities to socialize, do work, take naps, and in my case blog. I am still deciding what clubs I can join and hopefully find a chance to start doing research with faculty, so I haven't made a handy dandy daily schedule yet, but hopefully that will come soon. Freshmen find themselves with a lot of spare time, but once they start getting involved on campus life picks up quickly. It's a process, but it's starting to happen for me, so I'm very excited about this year. Plus, being involved is another easy way to make friends on campus that have similar interests to you.

As far as the rest of my college experience up to this date goes...

I'm a part of a service community, and this semester I will be working with refugees, helping them learn English and possibly setting up new apartments for families to move into. I am so excited to be a part of this! My dorm also has a community time every Sunday evening, and last time we broke up into small groups and shared our stories. I basically shared the story that you guys know, and included all the inspirations for this blog. It helped me form connections with other people because each of their stories are also so unique and empowering to hear.

I've also enjoyed emailing and writing letters to my friends every week and reading about their new adventures. The people in my life are such a blessing, and right now I'm just so happy that I chose to come to this particular university. I hope that your experiences also feel full and special, too. I would love to hear about your lives, so please feel free to comment or send me an email at smilesnomatter@gmail.com!

That's all I have to tell you guys in this post. Thank you for visiting today and I hope you have a fantastic week!
-Riley XO

My Black Belt Test

Hello everybody! Today I wanted to share what is potentially the biggest day of my summer with you. I actually tested for my black belt last Saturday. It was a very emotional time for me because I didn't really realize how quickly this summer has flown until Friday afternoon. All the way through the season of working, spending time with friends, and blogging--the black belt test just seemed to be something so far away.

(I have a couple of pictures here on the blog. Sorry about the poor quality--they were taken on my sister's phone and I am too lazy to edit them. The sun coming in through the windows makes the lighting look really funky, but it doesn't bother me enough to fix it.)

Tae kwon do has been a major part of my life for about two-and-a-half years now. It's my primary form of exercise, and I love it because I've made such wonderful friends from the school. Plus, it provides an outlet for stress relief when I needed a break from school. Each school has its own methods and philosophies, but I recommend practicing martial arts to pretty much every teenager I meet. Ever since I started, my sense of self-confidence has really grown stronger, and going to practice tae kwon do has usually been the best part of each day, both during school and in the summer.

The test started with an hour-long meditation. Then, we proceeded to execute all the forms, basic motions, sparring techniques, nun-chuck routines, kicks, board breaking, and exercises. The entire test was approximately four hours long, so I had a bottle of Gatorade in handy since I have low blood sugar and pressure.

Even though I'm still sore while writing this, the whole thing seems surreal, a blur. My black belt is sitting on my counter and it definitely has my Korean name on it, but it's hard to grasp the fact that I earned it. I don't know--I guess I never really saw myself coming this far.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to everyone who's supported me through this whole process. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without my family and friends. Actually, if it weren't for them I'd probably have spent this whole summer wasting away at work in that fast food restaurant. I'm not going to mention any specific people because if they're reading this, they know who they are.

I also want to thank my friends (who sat through the entire four hours!) for not giving me a hard time about me crying at the end of the test. I was physically exhausted and then got really emotional when Master Park asked me to give a speech to my parents since the time left with them is becoming shorter and shorter. I was again reminded how blessed I am to have my parents in my life--I can never fully repay them for all they have done for me.

Finally, I thank you for reading through this entire post! It isn't even close to describing all of the emotions I experienced while receiving my black belt, and it doesn't include all of the details of the test, but this post is just one way for you to get to know me better. I'm not sure if I've mentioned tae kwon do on this blog before or not, but it occupies a precious place in my heart.

That's what I've been up to lately--what have you been doing all summer? Did you spend a lot of time with your friends? Did you travel? Try anything new? What's your best memory? Please share in the comments below!

Coming up on this blog, I'm going to be wrapping up the series Get Ready For College With Me and take a whack at writing a beauty post. My take on beauty focuses a lot more on inner beauty and being healthy, but I do have a couple of tips that are helpful for fellow students out there who don't have a lot of time to devote to pampering their skin and/or hair but still care about such things.

If there's anything else you'd like me to blog about, please feel free to leave a comment below or email me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com. Otherwise, I have a lot of inspirational quotes, thoughts, and pictures in store for you all as well :)

Take care,
-Riley XO

"I Still Love You, But You're Not Worth The Pain."

I found the following quotation from Ritu Ghatourey: "Moving on isn't about not loving them anymore and forgetting them. It's about having the strength to say 'I still love you, but you're not worth the pain.'"

While I was playing the second movement of the Carmen Fantasy, I thought about Jay. [Which is 0:00-2:20ish in the following video.]

I actually have trouble playing this part of the piece because it is in a minor key but my instinct is to play in in a major key. (I suppose that's why I end up thinking about him.)

I discussed a little bit about my motives to talk to Jay in this post, but finally on Monday, I had the courage to reach out to him. I saw him, tried to be friendly, and later texted him, asking if it were possible to talk sometime. Initially, he was willing, but when I revealed that I would like to try to rebuild our friendship, he began slamming walls against me. There are some striking parts of our conversation that leave me...confused.

Me: "Ok, here's what I've wanted to say: I'd like to try rebuilding our friendship and I don't think that the bad things from the relationship are worth hating each other for forever because I was the first relationship and we were still learning."

Jay: "...You deserve better than me. I am not worth being friends with... I'm a hateful, cynical person. I treated you like shit toward the end. I'm sorry; you deserved better. I read your story and was blown away by how well written it was. You're going to go places. I'm all for ending on a positive note, but you deserve far better than anything I'm capable of."

Me: "...I think that people are put into our hearts for a reason, and I believe that in your heart you are better than you have been behaving--that's why I liked you. I had faith in that part. To be honest though it's a very fragile belief, has been for a while...I don't think friendships/relationships are supposed to be about "deserving" each other, but learning from each other, and I am sincerely concerned about your well-being. I told you I forgave you, and I still do... I thought you were better and all of those actions were a method of coping."
Despite my words, however, he still declined.

creepypasta.wikia.com

Even now, I have trouble making sense of many things concerning our relationship.

Is it normal for someone to look back at his/her first relationship and feel...trifled?

Last night, I felt lost, like I had failed somehow. That somehow, if I had tried harder I would've been able to reestablish the connection with him or that somehow things would've all worked out, and we would've been able to show others that finding goodness even in a broken friendship is possible. Maybe, if I'd done better, he would've found the awesomeness that is inside of him, and that as a result he would never have made such self-depreciating comments.

gainesonbrains.com

But today I finally realize that those conflicts that Jay has are ones that he must deal with himself. He is the one who must live with himself for the rest of his life, after all. I truly do want to help him, but the best way I can help him right now is by leaving. (Is there even another option?)

It is so hard walking away.

I hope that things will start to look up for him, sooner than later. In the meantime, all I can do is pray. I might not be able to soothe his anger or give him a better perspective in life, but God can.

Thank you to those that have been with me through this, and I would also appreciate having your prayers for Jay and me as well, if it's not too much to ask.

I hope that you take away something from this story; it certainly has given me a lot to think about.

-Riley XO

Thank you for reading this post, and please join me on the magical journey of life by subscribing by email or Bloglovin'. I am still at such an early stage of life, so there will definitely be better things to report in the Diary label of this blog in the future, but otherwise I post many things that are inspiring, fun, or quirky and would very much like to share and connect with you the lessons I am learning in this adventure of a lifetime.

"Love Is So Short, Forgetting Is So Long"

The famous words by Pablo Neruda. [[Click here for the entire poem.]]

As of tonight, it will have been two months since I went through that period of heartbreak. These past months have been an absolute rollercoaster. I poured out a sea of sorrows through tears, shared a moment of triumph with 400 of my peers upon graduating from high school, started this blog, registered for college courses, spent time savoring precious days with the people who truly matter...

I still think about Jay often and wonder. No answers ever come up from such wondering--yet I cannot stop this perpetual cycle. I am compelled to talk to him, to try to make amends... I hope that I will have good news after conducting this discussion that has been planted in my mind, but hope in the good in his heart is so fragile at the moment.

Even if things don't give me a happy ending in this particular chapter, the lessons I've learned in these short two months are ones that I will gladly bear for the rest of my life.

I've realized that before, I wanted to be that girl who had it all together: witty, beautiful, musical, creative--basically well-rounded and perfect.

These past few months, however, I've come to terms accepting my imperfections and instead am starting to realize the wonder of God's perfection. This is sounding a bit like a cliché "Let's Love Jesus!" book, but God's perfections are manifested in my imperfections. And it takes my breath away.

I'm still praying for strength. God has already graced me with a sense of peace that is in my heart most of these days. Yet I must continue pray for courage to be able to face my fears, to stop focusing so much on myself (my comparatively petty problems) and instead give love to all the other billions of people that share this planet with us.

Thank you for reading this post, and lease join me on the magical journey of life by subscribing by email or Bloglovin'. I hope I'll have good news to report here in the Diary Label when it comes to salvaging whatever pieces are left of Jay and my once powerful friendship, but otherwise I post many things that are inspiring, fun, or quirky and would very much like to share and connect with you the lessons I am learning in this adventure of a lifetime.

Take care,
Riley XO