Misconceptions About Love

Hello, Saee here! Before I say anything else, let me just say a huge THANK YOU to smilesifyXO for allowing me to guest post on her blog today. I’ve been stalking her blog for a while now and it felt so, so great to write this post. It was a huge deal for me and I learned a lot from her. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity. Hugs and kisses!

Whether you’ve been in love before or are in love right now or even want to fall in love in the future, you know what love feels like. You are familiar with that nice fuzzy feeling in your heart, warming you up from the inside.

However you are also familiar with a list of things that are supposed to happen whenever you experience this powerful and beautiful emotion. Years and years of watching romantic movies and reading love stories, has shaped and fashioned your idea of love. And when the love you feel fails to live up to these unrealistic standards, you begin to stray. You wander off from the path of happiness and end up with a not-so-good experience or after thought about love.

To avoid any of that, let’s talk about certain misconceptions that we all have about love.

1)      Love is only once and stays forever

This is the most common and disastrous misconception about love. You have to understand that love is not a once in a lifetime thing. Love is never once. You can love over and over again. A beautiful emotion like love cannot ever be limited. You can love multiple persons at the same time and your love for one cannot be compared to your love for another. Each time you  love, you love with a different ferocity. Just because you’re in a nine-year committed relationship does not mean you cannot love someone else ever again. No. This brings me to the other half of the misconception that true love stays. This is completely incorrect. Love, although the most powerful emotion of all can curb or can be curbed. It is not permanent. Just like you can suddenly stop feeling envious of someone, you can suddenly stop loving someone too. And you may try your best to answer the whys and why nots but trust me, you’re better off without the unnecessary soul-searching. Love can happen twice, thrice--even ten times--and each time it’ll be true and each time it can go away as easily as the one before.

Do not for God’s sake beat yourself up about not being in love with someone you’re supposed to love with all your heart. It usually happens when the guy you’re going out with suddenly decides he wants to get married and you’re just not ready. Or when you are in love with two people at the same time and don’t know what you should be doing. In time, you’ll figure it out. Be patient and believe in your love.

2)      Love hurts. Always.

This is another false concept that has been emphasized through novels, movies and social media all the time. In stories, there is always a difficulty or a problem that love has to conquer. Name one book or movie that was based on love and that did not show emotional and physical difficulties involving love. Are the difficulties because of love? In most cases, not. Take Romeo and Juliet, for example. Theirs was a tragedy. Why? Not because they fell in love, but because of the strife between their families. Was love responsible for the strife? No. Then how can we generalize that love is what hurts?

I get really upset when I see quotes on Tumblr or Facebook that go along the lines of “If it’s true, it’ll hurt.” It has got to stop. Love does not hurt. Love is one emotion. Hurt is another emotion. Pain, sorrow, heartbreak are different emotions. They are not caused by love. They are caused by rejections or unfulfilled expectations. “Love always hurts” is something that abusive boyfriends or girlfriends count upon to save their relationship. When in suffering blame it on love. No, honey, you have to stop doing that. Love won’t and shouldn’t hurt.

Remember that awkward conversation from Sex and the City?

Samantha Jones: Relationships aren't just about being happy. I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship? 

Charlotte York: Every day. 
Samantha Jones: Every day? 
Charlotte York: Well, not all day every day but yes, every day. 

In fact, I’d like to stretch a mile and say, “If it hurts, it ain’t love.”

3)      Love is only between a man and a woman

Many societies have for years generated the image of a man and a woman tangled in an embrace as the image of love. It has traditionally been impressed upon young minds either through the medium of social obligation or religious instruction that love is a bond between man and woman. However, love cannot be restrained. A man can love a man and a woman can love a woman in the same way a man loves a woman. One cannot put boundaries on love. The love between a lesbian couple and a gay couple is the same as the love between what the society calls a ‘normal’ couple.

4)      Love has to be equally reciprocated

Another disastrous misconception. Everyone falls prey to this one. You will not always be loved back by someone you gave your heart to. I mean, come on, it’s been years and Ryan  Higa is still unaware of my existence. Does that mean I should give up? No, I’ll keep stalking him till death do us part. Kidding, but the point is you won’t always receive the love that you give. But that’s okay. Life goes on, right? You’ll fall in love again. Hopefully with someone who lives on the same continent and is not fictional, taken or dead.

Anyway, it is common to assume that you cannot be in love if it’s not equally reciprocated by the one you love. False. You tell me, haven’t you ever loved someone who didn’t love you  back? But just because they didn’t, did it mean what you felt was not real or true? Of course not. It was real, as real as the love between couples. Even in a relationship, the love is felt individually by both parties. It is not a joint sentiment. It is mutual, not one and the same. Love is different when it’s expressed in a relationship and when it’s suppressed from a distance. But it is love all the same.

I know this girl who has loved a guy for more than three years. He is unaware of her feelings, indifferent to some extent. And yet she loves him. She wants him happy--be it with or without her. Look me in the eye and tell me her love isn’t true.

5)      Love will be like living a fairy tale

This is a misconception that has been harped on and on by Disney movies and the stories we tell our girls when they’re young and at their most vulnerable and impressionable age. We tell girls that love means a Prince Charming on a white horse, that love means a happily ever after. It’s not all true. When you view love through the fairytale filter you make basic mistakes like assuming:

·         A Prince will swoop in and kiss away your problems

·         A Prince has to court you and initiate the relationship first

·         You need a Prince to become a Princess

·         Your happily ever after will revolve around love and a Prince

Just think about it. Finding love is great and all but it’s not the only thing in the world. In fact, you don’t have to find  love. There is no The One that you have to settle with. Remember love is not once? Nor does it come with a forever guarantee. Happily ever after can totally be you sipping wine on a yacht in the Caribbean.

6)      Love is blind

This is the falsest statement about love. Love does not mean overlooking problems. It does not mean doing everything that your partner asks you to do and then covering it up with “Oh, you know, love is blind.” It’s okay to go out of your way once in a while to make your partner feel special like cooking their favorite dish, booking  movie tickets or even throwing a surprise party. You see, when you do these nice things, you do them because you want to, you do them out of love.

But when your partner throws in the classic “If you truly loved me” to make you do something you do not want to do, that’s when your blind love becomes dangerous. When your love is turning a blind eye to your own needs and feelings, that’s when you should be alarmed.

When you do crazy things with your boyfriend or girlfriend, make sure you do them cause you love him or her, not because you should do them as an obligatory gesture of love.

Love should invigorate your senses. It should sharpen your vision. A dynamic emotion like love cannot be blind. If you tell your friends proudly that you let your girlfriend or boyfriend walk all over you (in nicer words, of course) because “Love is blind," it’s about time you got your eyes and relationship checked.

7)      Love means constant display of affection and romance

Love is not just four-hour-long  phone calls that end with “Love you too”. Love is not just showering kisses or sleeping together every night. Love is definitely not just candle light dinners and weekends on the beach. That is romance. It’s a part of love, but it’s not a major one. Love is a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear to trust. Love is a patient caress and a meaningful “Take care”. Love is so many other things than just romance. It  is genuine care and affection for a person that goes beyond  the display of  love every day. A couple can still be in love if they don’t go out every evening. Even if they fight through the night but wake up and smile at each other, they are in love and their love is no different from the romantic one that you’re so used to seeing in movies.

8)      Love is happiness

Love is not happiness. It cannot be happiness. Love and happiness are two different emotions. You can love without being happy and you can be happy without being in love. One is not synonymous with the other. Neither does the onset of one guarantee the onset of the other. People, girls in particular, like to think that all their problems of insecurity, depression and loneliness can be cured once they are loved. No. Love is just an emotion. It cannot hide or rub away other emotions. It can help, yes. But not much really. Your problems, girl, are your own. Only you can handle them and solve them. Not love, not your partner.

9)      Love is a grown up emotion

I’m going to get a lot of criticism from the grown-ups for saying this, but I’m quite firm about it. Love is not restricted to age. A sixteen year old can love as fiercely as a twenty-eight year old.  However there are certain other factors at play when you consider their love. Let’s take an example:

Joey is a senior in high school. He’s madly in love with his popular best friend Alice. He thinks Alice is fun to hang out with and has really nice legs. They could be their school’s hottest item if only Alice would say yes to Joey’s advances.

Anna is in her late twenties. She likes a guy at work. Charlie is smart and is the Assistant manager at her branch. After her last relationship, Anna is looking for someone who can understand her need to make career a priority. She thinks Charlie, her hardworking senior will understand her need to achieve. He has a passion in his eyes and a certain gentleness in the way he talks. She likes how reliable and homely Charlie seems.

Did you notice the difference? Both Joey and Anna are in love. Their love may be the same, but their worlds are entirely different. While Joey is looking for a girl he can have fun with, who can make him popular in high school, Anna is looking for commitments that are much more long-term. Joey has yet to learn and understand a lot. He’s still fueled by hormones, while Anna is calm and has learnt from her previous mistakes. There is a difference in their maturity levels. Anna thought like Joey when she was younger and Joey will think like Anna when he’s older. But who’s to say their love is different?

10)  Love cannot be controlled

I honestly, truly believe that there is no such thing as “I couldn’t help falling in love with you” No. I like to think that emotions, like actions, are based  largely on choice. Just like how you can put a smile on your face on a sad, monsoon day with efforts and choice, you can  stop or start loving someone with enough efforts and firm choice. I know, not many will agree. Maybe no one will agree. But I can tell from my own experience that you can ‘choose’ to love or not love. Don’t tell me it wasn’t love if I could stop or start it of my own free will because I know it was and you cannot judge or compare it. This may sound complete BS to you if you’re in love and want to be in love for long but to the girl who’s trying her best to move on out of a difficult relationship, who thinks she can never stop loving this person who doesn’t love her back or isn’t the man she thought he was, the girl who knows she’s loving the wrong person and who just does not want to be in love anymore, this is hope. You will get over it. Trust me. 

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Hello there, everyone! It's me, smilesifyXO, here! I just wanted to give a really big thank you to Saee for taking a chance to be vulnerable and sharing her thoughts about love here on Smiles No Matter. I think that society definitely has established strong ideas about what love is or isn't, but society isn't always right. I hope you guys found Saee's guest post to be extremely insightful as I did! Please share your thoughts in the comments below! 

If you'd like to see more of Saee's work, please head over to her blog, Wonderland. Saee is a very talented writer, and I myself really enjoy reading about her thoughts and experiences. 

Do you have any thoughts about love that you would like to share on this blog? Please let me know if you would be interested in writing a guest post by emailing me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com! 

Smile on :)

10 Tips for the First Date

So you've gone with that gut feeling and are going out on a date soon. Whoa! How did that happen, right? First dates are exciting. It's hard to know what to expect, how the other person will be, how your own nerves will be, etc. But--have no fear! Here are ten things (in no particular order) that we can do to help make the experience run as smoothly as it can.

1. Dress comfortably and nicely. Let's face it, nobody wants to go on a date with someone who doesn't look like they care. So if you have something that's nicer than, say, a T-shirt, that is always a good option. But no need to wear anything so crazy that you're thinking about how tight or loose something is the whole time! Comfort can do wonders to make you feel confident on the first date.
2. Start off with something active. And by active, I don't mean in the sense of running a marathon. I mean to do something that requires some attention. Like taking a walk along a nice bridge or park, or listening to music, or mini golfing--an activity that will engage you a little bit. This way, if there is a pause in a conversation, it is easy to come up with something new to talk about ("This is a nice view"), and even if there is silence it's not necessarily uncomfortable or awkward because there is stuff out there to draw both people's attention. 
3. Make eye contact. This one's just a communication tip. Making eye contact shows the other person that you're paying attention to what they're saying, and that you're interested in the conversation. It is an easy way to make a connection with people.
4. Don't put too much pressure on this date. It is only the first date, after all! Just look at the date as a time to have fun with someone who you want to get to know better. It's only one date that you've agreed to--not a lifetime commitment to a spouse.
5. Be on time. Show that you value the other's person's time and efforts! This tip may be coming from a Type-A personality, but I must say that a guy who meets me exactly on time--or even plans to arrive a couple minutes ahead of the date--makes a far better impression than the guy who is ten minutes late after I've gone through a whole routine to be ready for him on point. Being on time is an easy way of showing the other person that you respect them and are excited to hang out with them. Of course, things happen, so timeliness isn't a make-or-break deal, but I say it is always good to make an effort.
6. Sit next to each other. If this date involves food, try getting a booth where you can sit next to each other. This tip sort of depends on your comfort level, but to me, I tend to feel a little self conscious when I'm eating in front of someone who I want to impress. Eating isn't the most attractive thing you could be doing, after all! (I mean, just think about eating a salad... Is there something stuck in my teeth?) So if you sit next to your date, s/he will think, "Oh, they want to sit closer to me. That's cool!" Little do they know...
7. Have fun! I mentioned this a little bit in Tip #4, but I just wanted to reiterate the having fun part! Either you or the other person put in some effort planning this date, so make the most of the moment by living in it.
8. Don't be afraid of conversation. And what I mean by this is, don't be afraid to direct conversation one way or another. Some people like going through small talk, others like getting into those real conversations discussing politics, interests, and emotions right away. If you feel like you've only been having small talk and haven't learned more about the other person, just ask a question that steers the conversation toward something deeper. On the other hand, if your date is talking on and on and on about something s/he really loves but you have heard enough about it, don't be afraid to (politely) shift topics and find different connections by saying something to the effect of, "That is awesome. I kind of feel the same way when I do..." or ask a question that mildly redirects, like "Why do you like doing _____?" or "When did you start doing _____?" Hopefully, this will get the conversation to get flowing naturally if it isn't already!
9. Have confidence. Did you know that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a human being? You have a lot of things to be confident about, whether it's who you are, what you do, where you've been. So don't go into the date thinking, "Oh, if I mess up, they're not going to like me anymore." Think positively and smile!
10. Be yoself! This is a really cliché one but it is absolutely true! There is a reason why you're going on a date with this person--it's because they see something attractive about you (regardless about if you were the one asking or asked).  Be happy with who you are as a person because you were wonderfully and fearfully made. Take it from somebody who's seen it happen firsthand: You will avoid many problems in the future by simply doing what comes naturally to you. So, be honest with yourself and your date.

Good luck with that first date! And as always, smile on.

10 Tips For Studying For Finals

So finals are just around the corner... I had this rude awakening when I realized that it is almost time for Thanksgiving Break--and dead week is right after that!

With that said, it's time to buckle down and start studying hardcore for finals! Is it just me, or is it difficult to find the motivation to study around this time, especially with snow on the ground and the holiday season acting as a wonderful opportunity to make new memories? Well, here are my top ten tips for getting "in the zone" for studying so that you will do your ultimate best and ace those tests!

1. Don't procrastinate! Yeah, you should've seen this one coming. Procrastinating has become such a big problem for me because it is so easy to get distracted. So, the best way to avoid procrastinating is by making schedules and by turning those electronic devices off. Then, it will be easy to focus on the task at hand and be more productive during your study time.
2. Study in different places. Changing up the environment while you study helps keep things interesting. Sitting down in one place mulling over a textbook is something that no one wants to do. I like to do certain tasks in one part of the library, then go to the student center and study another subject, and then go back to a different section of the library. Walking around a little bit is also a nice brain break. 


3. Speaking of breaks, take quick ones every now and then. Don't underestimate the power of your brain--as you probably already know, it's more powerful than computers. If you go for more than two hours studying hard, it'll overheat. To keep your brain from overheating, look up from your notes/readings/textbooks ever fifteen minutes, just up at the ceiling or a poster nearby, and then return to work. It allows your eyes to stay awake because staring at the same thing for an extended period of time can be hypnotic. Then, once every 60-90 minutes, do a quick 5-10-minute-long exercise. Like, 100 pushups or squats, or a Blogilates video would be fun. Avoid going on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or Reddit on your breaks though, because you don't want a 10-minute break to turn into a 40-minute break!


4. Study alone. You're taking the finals on your own, so you should study alone. Even if you think you work better while with other people, it is beneficial to be independent too so that you can focus on the topics you understand the least. While studying alone, make sure you prioritize by asking: "If I were the professor, what would I be testing my students on?" This encourages active reading and will help you retain the most important information.


5. Study with friends. Sometimes, it's easy to get distracted when you're studying with friends, but if you have friends who are in the same class as you, it's a good idea to work together so that you can spin ideas off each other and quiz each other. Your friends could catch some ideas you may have missed while studying on your own, and when you teach someone else a topic it helps solidify your existing knowledge on the subject. Having a balance between studying independently and collaboratively will maximize the benefits that come with each of these methods.


6. Multitask wisely. It is possible to be productive with other things while studying. Some people can read as they work out on an elliptical. I personally enjoy doing planks while hovering above a book. You could also accomplish a lot while the laundry is going. Listening to light music for some background noise is also helpful for keeping your brain active. But remember that there's a fine line between doing laundry vs. going on Facebook.


7. A quick tip on music: It is best not to listen to music in English while you're working because sometimes the lyrics can interfere with your thoughts. Instrumental music is nice, and I personally enjoy listening to Latino or Korean music. 


8. Find some form of stress relief. Yoga, meditation, exercise, writing, music (instrumental or vocal), or crafts are activities that make the day fun without taking up too much time (only an hour at max!). Remember to take care of yourself and balance the studying with something enjoyable.


9. Make mental check-lists. Keep organized so that you'll have a plan of attack. I usually construct a schedule in my head while I'm walking to/from class and only deviate from it if something important comes up. 


10. Stay positive! Remember why you're in school, and recognize that getting an education is a privilege that a lot of people don't have. Moving forward with a spirit of gratitude always helps brighten the mood. :)

Do you have any study tips you'd like to share? Let me know in the comments below! Good luck with all those tests!

Take care,
-Riley XO

Making New Friends (For Introverts!)

Hello everybody, I hope you're having a wonderful week as always. I have a super long post in store for you today, so I'm just gonna cut to the chase right away. There is a lot to say on this matter, but I'm writing this with the purpose of providing a starting place for making new friends. This post includes two main parts: The first will hopefully get you to think about how you interact with others and provide some inspiration; the second will have my best tips for breaking out of some of those shells that you may have. And without further ado, let's get started!

A little bit about myself: I don't know if you can tell from this blog or not, but I am actually a pretty introverted person. I mean, I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I think of social interaction, but I do find myself getting overwhelmed fairly quickly while in a group of more than six people. That being said, God did create us to be in the world to interact and enjoy each others' talents, expressions, and company. I think of intoversion and extroversion on a spectrum. I'd say that I'm in the middle, though closer to the introverted side of the scale since I recharge by spending time alone reading or writing. But being with people stirs up a different kind of energy, which is also good in its own way.

Anyhow, there are a lot of times when I feel my shyness getting the better of me, and this post is for anyone who finds his/herself freezing up in certain social situations, or having a hard time making friends. It's okay to be on the quiet or shy side, but it's no good if it gets in the way of you pushing your limit and being surrounded by people who may come to be some of your best friends!

In order to illustrate my point, here is a video by Matthew Hussey that I think you'll find to be interesting:

What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

For me, there are components that I would agree with and ones that I would disagree with.

I would agree that the biggest obstacle that is in your life is usually yourself. Your own perceptions of yourself can really limit your capabilities. For lack of better words, I'll reference David Dark's The Sacredness of Questioning Everything:

The question I'd like to bring to language, my own and everyone else's, is the question of reductionism. Reductionism reigns when the words we use to give account of people and events serve only to reduce, degrade, and devalue human beings... This is a perversity we employ--perhaps it employs us--when we reduce a person to a "just" ("So-and-so is just a...") or a "nothing but" ("You're nothing but a..."), as if we've gotten to the bottom of all they are and will ever be (page 121).

Let's try combine the thoughts expressed by Hussey and Dark to conclude that we should avoid labeling ourselves and other people in order to make new friends, to learn and discover from others. In my experience, the people who really have trouble making friends are labelers--they either put labels on themselves or the people around them.

I personally am more guilty of the former. Have you ever been in a quiet mood? Where there's nothing wrong, but you just didn't feel like talking and wanted to spend time by yourself and think? I get in those moods frequently I recharge by relaxing by myself with a cup of tea or writing, not by meeting and greeting. Yet, when I attributed my quietness to shyness, I stopped making the effort to reach out to others. Because, well, that's just what shy people avoid doing.

I think it's also fair to say that we're all guilty of doing the latter--putting a label on someone else before having met them--one time or another. "Oh, that person seems really stuck-up." Or "It seems like s/he likes sitting alone, so I'll just leave him/her be."

Can you see how these presumptions limit not only ourselves, but the other person too?

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that we should shed all labels, though. Adjectives, actions, and experiences make us who we are, and being aware of these help us grow.

Say you're a shy person. Do you want to keep being shy, or do you want to change that? Or say that you're angry person. Do you like being angry all the time, or do you want to change that?  Say you made a mistake in your life. Do you want to be burdened by that forever, or do you want to move on?

What I'm trying to say is: Let words describe you, not define you.

There are also "positive" or "goal" labels. What does a goal label look like? Well, I would like to be labeled as caring, compassionate, empathetic, hardworking, friendly, approachable. Aren't these characteristics that we want to hear when someone is describing us?

Anyway, I wanted to focus on introverts today, so I'll get back to that now. The whole point of the speal above is that you really need to want to get rid of that shyness before you can put yourself out there.

So think about all the things you can gain in life--love, peace, shelter, brotherhood--by challenging yourself to reach out. Then ask yourself if it really is worth being quiet.

With the reflection component of this post over, here are seven tips for getting started with becoming a more outgoing and friendly version of yourself! I hope you find these helpful--if you have any of your own ideas or some feedback, please let me know in the comments!

#1: Force it.
I used to be really shy, guys--practically afraid of talking to anyone I didn't know. If this gives you a proper illustration, I carried a book around with me every day during middle school so that I would have it as an excuse to avoid talking to people during snack break. So when I arrived in college 5 years later, meeting people initially still felt like ripping fingernails out. However, I just had to buckle myself down and approach others, throwing out a name and a smile. It feels really unnatural at first, but if you practice it every day, it starts becoming habit. Don't overcomplicate it. Swallow the anxiety that's churning in your stomach, step out, and ask someone, "Hey, how's your day?" Whether you're in an elevator, sitting in a cafe, or happen to see a person you barely recognize, that's all you really need to get a conversation going.


#2: Join a group activity.

It is so much easier to form connections with people when you already have something in common. So, instead of working out by yourself at home, go running on the track at the gym. Or if you enjoy reading like I do, you could join a book club. It would also be fun to try something new. My experiment was joining tae kwon do, and some of my most influential relationships formed during high school were from the people I met there. (I met my mentor and first boyfriend through the tae kwon do school.)

#3: Invite someone over.
It doesn't even really have to be anything formal like dinner, either. You could just invite someone over to watch some reruns of a TV show you and that other person enjoy. Making that one step usually causes the other person (or group of people) to recognize you more easily and thus forms a stronger connection.

#4: Put some time into your appearance.
I feel somewhat shallow when phrasing it like this, but it actually does pay off to look good. Let's face it: when you look good, you feel good--it's just natural instinct! That being said, there are many ways to improve your appearance. Working out, eating healthy, treating yourself at the mall by buying a new outfit, applying some makeup--all of these are ways to help you look your best and then gain confidence in yourself.

#5: Remember to have some down time.
Putting yourself out there takes a lot of energy and while fun can be pretty draining. I spend my down time in my room, writing, reading daily devotions, and prayer-journaling. Sometimes I do stretches or sit-ups too, and face massages are always a nice treat. Another option would be writing an email to a distant friend, which not only gives you an opportunity to reconnect with someone but reflect on all the things you've been doing. Take some time to recharge by yourself so that you'll be up at your 100% when it comes to meeting new people.

#6: Be informed, and be aware.
Keep up with the news, read blogs (and follow this one!), and listen to NPR every now and then. Also be conscious of the movements happening around you, and pay attention to the conversations you're in. The more you know, the more you'll have to say.

#7: Don't get discouraged.
Let's face it, not everyone is gonna like you. It sounds a little cliche, but haters are gonna hate. Also, you may at first feel like the effort is not worth it if you don't instantly feel a connection with another person that you tried approaching. This shouldn't get you down, though, because once you start meeting more and more people, you'll find the right niche that fits you perfectly, where friends will love you unconditionally. It is a trying process, but just keep up at it and you'll be forming connections and networking in no time!

For some reason, silver linings popped into my mind at this point. So here is one from cauldronsandcupcakes.wordpress.com

So there you have it guys! A nice, long post about making friends if you're an introvert. I hope you found this inspirational and got you fired up and ready to start meeting new people. One last bonus tip: It's only awkward if you make it awkward (you'll know what I'm talking about if you run into one of these situations...and that wasn't meant to sound dirty!).

Thank you for visiting, and please feel free to leave a comment or email me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com! I write a post every Tuesday, so also remember to subscribe to my blog through Bloglovin' or follow me on Twitter so that you'll never miss an update. There are also options to follow Smiles No Matter on the right sidebar (email, RSS, and Google Friend Connect), so just choose what is most convenient for you. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I love blogging!

Take care,
-Riley XO

P.S. I saw the most adorable pug puppy on campus yesterday. She was absolutely adorable and was only two months old--I spent about five minutes petting and talking to her. So here's a quick picture to share some puppy adorableness with you!

Awwwwwww <3
petcollectionworld.com

Now whenever you have a bad day, just think about this warm, cuddly puppy. Smile on.

5 Hair Care Tips

Hello there everybody! How was your last week? I am still adjusting to college life and have been in the process of getting plugged into everything that's been going on around campus. I've been having a great time though, and even though there's so much happening here I'm so happy that I'm finding time to keep this blog up. I wish I could post twice a week like I was able to during the summer, but Tuesdays will just have to continue being our special day. Thank you for visiting time to time because I really enjoy your readership!

College life. Word.

This Tuesday is all about hair. I actually meant to write this many weeks ago, but let's just say that life happened. Last summer, I developed a random obsession for hair because I decided that I wanted to grow it out and then donate it to Locks of Love. My mom made me cut my hair pretty much all the time and now that I'm a college student, I thought it'd be fun to let it be long for once in my life. This being said, it became important for me to take better care of my hair to prevent split ends so that it could be healthy and grow to its full length.

(On a side note, I would not consider myself to be a master of beauty, but I've found that when I focus more time on my appearance my confidence increases. I also find myself being more alert during the day. So that is why I'm sharing a little bit of this today.)

Wow, I just noticed how pale my face looks in this picture...fail.

Anyway, I've found that college keeps me so busy running everywhere to get things done that it's been harder to set a lot of time aside for beauty. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't ever feel pampered! This post is especially for fellow college students who want to look and feel their best and spend little time doing so. Without further ado, here are my top five hair care tips for busy college students!

Tip #1: Don't wash it a lot.
Okay, this initially sounds kind of gross, but in all actuality, we wash our hair way too much. It is important to remember that hair is at its best when it's in its natural state. Secondly, when we wash our hair, it actually strips the hair of good nutrients too. If hair is washed too frequently, your body naturally compensates by producing more oil (which is no good because we want poofy, soft hair). The best thing to do is to only rinse your hair if you shower every day until it starts getting oily--then shampoo only when it starts collecting oil. You'll see soon enough that your hair will be less oily for longer amounts of time, and when it's in its natural state, it will grow stronger and longer.

Tip #2: Use a wide-toothed comb.
When I get out of the shower, I always want to brush my hair right away because tangles drive me insane. Hair brushes aren't very gentle, though, so I use a wide-toothed comb which still does the job. I've actually noticed that my hair falls out less because of this. So, hey, that's cool right?

Tip #3: Condition!
I'm currently using Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner, and I condition every time I wash my hair. However, I also recommend purchasing a leave-in conditioner. I use Pantene, and it's designed for overnight care, but it's helpful because whenever my hair is looking dry or a little frizzy, I just apply a little squirt of it, and--voila!--instant results. A lot of people recommend deep conditioning treatments, but for me I don't have enough time to leave product or DIYs in my hair for half an hour because I like being out and about. But if you ever have some spare time during a long weekend or something, I recommend using honey, olive oil, and/or egg for a nice DIY hair treatment.

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Tip #4: Trim it every two months.
So the photo of me up above was posted to Twitter because I was so proud of myself for trimming my own hair for the first time. Trimming your hair gets rid of split ends, which in turn prevents hair breakage. I decided to trim my own hair because it seems like salons always take off a little too much. Since I'm growing my hair out, I only take a quarter of an inch off each time I cut it just to get rid of the split ends. Also, it's better to have one length (no layers) for donating hair, so trimming on my own is very doable for me.

Tip #5: Avoid contact with heat.
This is a no-brainer, but unfortunately we've reached the extent of my hair care ideas that I have found the most helpful. I almost never use hair dryers or straighteners, which helps my hair stay healthy and happy.

And that's about it for today! I hope you found these hair care tips useful, and if you'd like to see some more quick beauty tips for college life, please let me know in the comments (or feel free to share your own ideas in the comments, too!).

Have a great week and take some time out to pamper yourself!

Take care,
-Riley XO

7 Things To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

Hello everybody! Fancy seeing you here again. Have you ever had a day off and just wanted to spend it by yourself? Alone time is great--it can be so relaxing and spiritual if spent well. But sometimes I find that when I have such "alone time," I end up sitting in front of the TV for a few hours too long. It almost inspires a sense of guilt in me, because watching TV stimulates even less of your brain than sleep does! While it's a nice break every-so-often, it's not an ideal way to spend a lot of time doing, right?

Well, here is a brainstorm of quick, doable ideas that you can use if you're bored and would like to spice up your day. Enjoy!

1. Call up an old friend. Remember those good ol' days in high school (or middle school, depending on your age)? Well, contact your friends! Just talk to them, ask them what they've been up to, wish them a good day. Maybe you could even schedule a fun time with a couple of these friends to reconnect. Here is a quick list of 8 things you could do!
2. Lose yourself with a pen and paper. Okay, this one's easy for me to say because I love writing and try to do it every day. Writing is cathartic. It helps you sort through your thoughts, channel emotions, and gets those juices in your head flowing. I recommend writing a journal entry, poem, or short story. But if writing isn't your "thing," you could always try drawing something too. :)
3. Go for a walk. Just be one with your environment. Enjoy the sky, the grass, and buildings around you. If you happen to have a dog, walks are all the more fun--Blizzard (my little doggie) loves going to the park, and seeing him that happy brightens my day.
4. Start a 30-Day Challenge. Not a bad way to fill up some of that spare time. Watch this video for a bit of inspiration to start a new habit or end a bad one:
   
   
   
5. Try a work-out challenge. I have been trying to conquer the "Abs on Fire" workout by Blogilates. My results are embarrassing (mostly consists of me rolling around the floor in pain while she continues on her happy way), so that's why I like to do this on my own.
6. Learn something new. Watch a couple videos on iTunes U (right now I'm watching a series of lectures on personal finance...boring, but helpful), or I also like Vsauce on YouTube for little interesting tidbits.
7. Treat yourself. Go out and buy some frozen yogurt or try a simple new recipe that's sweet and delicious. Here's a bit from Blogilates again:

So there is a simple list of possible activities you can do when you are completely at a loss. If you have any fun ideas, please feel free to share by clicking on the comment bubble at the top of this post!

Have a great day, and take care!
-Riley XO

8 Things to do with Your Friends This Summer

Hey all, so summer is finally here! Summer is one of the best times of the year for students--as you probably know. Suddenly, we have all of this free time to spend doing whatever we want. But it's not worthwhile to just sit around at home staring at the ceiling and "relaxing" the whole time.

The purpose of this blog is to give you reasons to smile, and what could be a better reason to smile than having made new memories with your friends?

image from http://summertdl.wordpress.com/page/2/

Without further ado, here are eight creative ways for you to spice up your summer with a group of friends.

1. Organize a mystery party. I've only organized two mystery parties, but they are incredible. Some mystery parties can be pretty expensive for student budgets. However, I found an excellent site that has a free mystery party! Please click here to read the synopsis and available download for Michael Akers's "Sour Grapes of Wrath." Mystery parties are fun because it allows any number over four people to participate.
2. Make collages. Gather some magazines (or pictures) and brainstorm a topic--anything from friendship to desserts to vacation destinations. Then, take some time alone to create your own collage. Afterward, present your collages to your friends and see what different ideas you have. You could be surprised.
3. Play Ultimate Frisbee. Get a nice-sized group and get outside. Run, enjoy the air and sun. It doesn't even really have to be Ultimate Frisbee. Just make that trek to the park--do something active!
4. Cook dinner. For your parents. Yes, for your parents. If you're anything like me, this may seem like a daunting task, so that's where the friends part comes in. Gather your friends at around 3:00, watch a quick TV show, and then set to work trying a fancy recipe. Don't settle for spaghetti; try making something like Eggplant Parmesan or Chicken Pad Thai. Also, the best dinners have a nice dessert to finish off on a sweet note. This is also nice way to show your parents or mentors how much you appreciate them.
5. Learn yoga. Okay guys, maybe this sounds silly to you. Some of you might be shaking your heads. Well, yoga is something that I've personally wanted to learn for a long time. Us teenagers are under a lot of pressure when it comes to balancing our work, school, extracurricular, and social lives. Learning some yoga, meditation, and breathing techniques this summer will help you to lead a healthier, more relaxed and steady life.
6. Organize a service project. It doesn't have to be anything too complex. Motivating a group of teenagers to wake up early in the morning to volunteer at a soup kitchen is work enough. Plant a tree, or go together to visit a nursing home. Not only will you help the community--you'll also have fun doing so with your friends. And who knows? You just might learn something about yourself and each other.
7. Make a music video. Find a completely random song, learn the lyrics, and try to top the original MV with one of your own. If you need help finding a random song/video, here is one that may leave you shocked for a couple minutes, but would definitely be...interesting...to try tackling. Please follow this link to see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzC4hFK5P3g
8. Go on an adventure. I'm blessed to live in the lovely state of Colorado, and I have the ability to go to the mountains for a hike. But even if you don't have mountains, there must be hills, beaches, valleys, or beautiful fields or forests to explore within a reasonable distance. Our generation is earning a reputation for being too "plugged in." So take a day off, and be one with your friends and the breathtaking scenery that is all around us. Bring a camera, sunglasses--don't forget your water bottle or sunscreen either!

inbetweenthekeys.blogspot.com

And there are my eight things that you can do this summer. I hope that this gives you some ideas to treat yourself and the people around you--to make add a little something to the story of your summer.

I really tried to think of activities that would appeal to people of a variety of age groups and interests, but if you have any of your own, please feel free to share in the comments below.

Have a wonderful time!
-Riley XO