What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do

Good morning, world! How are you today? I'm doing okay overall. I had a job interview last week and am anxious for the results. I hope that I will be able to get this job as a chemistry tutor this coming fall, but I'm trying to tell myself that God will provide.

This morning's discussion is longer than usual because it's all about purpose--finding the right purpose in your life. A while ago, I had a conversation with a special friend about life. We touched a little bit on purpose, which kind of got the wheels in my head turning. Do you feel like you have purpose in your life?

It's basically the long-term debate in philosophy: looking for the right purpose. Aristotle said our purpose is to live a flourishing life in study. Epictetus believed that our purpose is to live a happy life by caring only about the things that truly matter (which are the things we influence). Mill thought that our purpose is to increase the overall happiness level in the world as much as possible, and reduce the amount of pain. (I often think of Mill as the mathematician of philosophers.)

We have books overflowing with arguments and ideas about how to live life, and these books fill the shelves of thousands of bookstores across the nation.

And yet, there have been times I hit that rut where I don't really know what to do. What is my purpose in life? When are some of the moments in your life when you've asked yourself this question?

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Here, I'm going to share with you my tips on what to do during these times, and also what I believe is my purpose. I pray that what you read will bring you inspiration and optimism as you think about your life.

Firstly, know that it's okay to not be okay. We recently finished a seven-part series studying a book called Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. An overarching theme in the book is that although winning is lots of fun, many of the most powerful moments in life come from losing. Losing and feeling empty can be precursors to growing and maturing. Life can be represented with a yin-yang. There is the good, the warmth, the happiness, the health. And in that very same symbol, there is the evil, the cold, the pain, the sickness. Both exist together, within each other. The yin cannot exist without the yang. If you accept the wins of life, you must learn to accept the losses too.

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I think that the modern society puts a lot of value in having purpose, in being happy. Society tells us to always answer "good" when we're asked how we are. Naturally, when we don't feel like we have purpose, we tend to feel ashamed, abnormal. But you know what? There's nothing wrong with having a bad day, week, month, or even year! There are many good ones to come. Remember to take the good with the bad.

Secondly, document your thoughts. I have personally experienced so many instances where I suddenly felt overwhelmed by absolutely everything. About a year ago, my cousin gave me this journal. At the time, I was pretty lame at journaling, so I made it my New Year's resolution to write something in it each day. This last January, I purchased another journal because it has been such a helpful tool for me to keep track of the daily thoughts, worries, praises, and events. In journaling, I've improved my time management, and sort of experience this sense of peace as I reflect. I do believe that part of our purpose is to enjoy every day that we're blessed with. One way to start appreciating every day is to write them down.

Thirdly, surround yourself with love. From my experience, the nuclear family has a powerful bond that you can rely on when everything else fails. However, while you can't choose your family, you can choose your friends. There are some people who will encourage you to do things that are against your morals or standards, and when you stumble upon people like this, run away in the opposite direction! Stay with the people who encourage you in the hard times, rejoice with you in your successes, and respect you even during your lowest points in life. Be with people who are also searching for and pursuing their own purposes. What's that saying again? "Birds of a feather flock together."

Fourthly, practice gratitude. Take some time every day to give thanks. While not every day may not be good, there is still good in every day. Find the good in every day.

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And now we arrive at the second part of this post, which is where I will be sharing what I believe my purpose is. As it is evident through this blog, I believe that my purpose is to help people find happiness in their lives. But this purpose is part of a greater purpose. I have come to learn that life's purpose is to love.

I'll have to admit that until about a year ago, I was a half-hearted Christian. I talked the Word, and I thought I knew all about what it meant to be a Christian, but now I realize how wrong I was. The Church says a whole lot about "Believing to get to Heaven." Now, I'm not saying that believing isn't important. It's just that I wasn't guided to know what to believe in.

I was taught that if you believe that Jesus died and rose for you, it was like getting this one-way ticket to Heaven.

While it was acceptable as a child, as I grew older, I had trouble seeing what the point was. To me, it sounded like, "Believe in this story, and this simple story will allow you to escape a hellish void that mankind deserves to remain in after this life." So what if I believed that this guy died for me? People die for people all the time.

Last year, I went through some of the worst experiences in my life. The one person that I thought I could count on didn't just let me down, but came back to make sure that he'd beaten me to the ground. I was later forced to leave my beloved home due to a set of unfortunate circumstances. Christianity as I had known it could get me far, but not through this.

Although the most painful events of my life (so far) happened that year, so did some of the most important lessons.

I learned in a whole new way that God is love. God is also an abstraction. For instance, think of your best friend's name. Now try describing your best friend. Do you notice, that as you continue to describe this person more, there only becomes more information that you left out? Each person that you know is so complex. As you think you start developing relationships with people, the more about these people you discover. Well, the same is true with God. But God is so much greater than people, the abstraction indefinitely more complex. As I learned more about God, the more I realized that God is so much more than a noun describing the omniscient, omnipotent presence that created the world. God is an action. God is love.

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Let's look at the life of Jesus.  A lot that my church did was talk about how much he showed up the Pharisees and the disciples with his wisdom and insight. "How wrong they were. How right he is."

A lot can be said about Christ's theological knowledge. But so much more can be written, studied, and shared about the way he lived. He lived with the people everyone else hated. He shared meals with the poor--and not just volunteered at a soup kitchen--he actually sat down and ate with them, like they'd been friends forever.

A man asked Jesus, "What is the greatest commandment?" And Jesus answered, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12).

He calmed the storms of people's hearts, healed the dying, comforted the weary. His life was so full of love as he lived the greatest commandments.

And then his death.

I cannot imagine a stronger example of true love than Christ's death.

It's the innocent sacrifice in exchange for the tainted, the lamb to the slaughterhouse. His death was pure. But as I thought about it, I came to realize that Christ did not die only for the people who would eventually come to believe in him a couple thousand years later. He died for all mankind. Even the sinners. Even the people who hated him. Even the people who killed him. He suffered knowing that from these people who tortured and crucified him, he would gain nothing in return. And yet--he still suffered for them.

When I look at Jesus' life, death, and ascension, I see purpose that is not only worth living for, but dying for. And that is why I am inspired by the Word to seek love, and to share it with others.

The beautiful thing about love is that it is shown through small gestures and huge, grand ones. Although I don't think I am capable of doing great things alone, I know that I can do small things with great love. This is how I want to live. Love is what I'll hold on to.

Smile on,
-Riley XO

Making New Friends (For Introverts!)

Hello everybody, I hope you're having a wonderful week as always. I have a super long post in store for you today, so I'm just gonna cut to the chase right away. There is a lot to say on this matter, but I'm writing this with the purpose of providing a starting place for making new friends. This post includes two main parts: The first will hopefully get you to think about how you interact with others and provide some inspiration; the second will have my best tips for breaking out of some of those shells that you may have. And without further ado, let's get started!

A little bit about myself: I don't know if you can tell from this blog or not, but I am actually a pretty introverted person. I mean, I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I think of social interaction, but I do find myself getting overwhelmed fairly quickly while in a group of more than six people. That being said, God did create us to be in the world to interact and enjoy each others' talents, expressions, and company. I think of intoversion and extroversion on a spectrum. I'd say that I'm in the middle, though closer to the introverted side of the scale since I recharge by spending time alone reading or writing. But being with people stirs up a different kind of energy, which is also good in its own way.

Anyhow, there are a lot of times when I feel my shyness getting the better of me, and this post is for anyone who finds his/herself freezing up in certain social situations, or having a hard time making friends. It's okay to be on the quiet or shy side, but it's no good if it gets in the way of you pushing your limit and being surrounded by people who may come to be some of your best friends!

In order to illustrate my point, here is a video by Matthew Hussey that I think you'll find to be interesting:

What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

For me, there are components that I would agree with and ones that I would disagree with.

I would agree that the biggest obstacle that is in your life is usually yourself. Your own perceptions of yourself can really limit your capabilities. For lack of better words, I'll reference David Dark's The Sacredness of Questioning Everything:

The question I'd like to bring to language, my own and everyone else's, is the question of reductionism. Reductionism reigns when the words we use to give account of people and events serve only to reduce, degrade, and devalue human beings... This is a perversity we employ--perhaps it employs us--when we reduce a person to a "just" ("So-and-so is just a...") or a "nothing but" ("You're nothing but a..."), as if we've gotten to the bottom of all they are and will ever be (page 121).

Let's try combine the thoughts expressed by Hussey and Dark to conclude that we should avoid labeling ourselves and other people in order to make new friends, to learn and discover from others. In my experience, the people who really have trouble making friends are labelers--they either put labels on themselves or the people around them.

I personally am more guilty of the former. Have you ever been in a quiet mood? Where there's nothing wrong, but you just didn't feel like talking and wanted to spend time by yourself and think? I get in those moods frequently I recharge by relaxing by myself with a cup of tea or writing, not by meeting and greeting. Yet, when I attributed my quietness to shyness, I stopped making the effort to reach out to others. Because, well, that's just what shy people avoid doing.

I think it's also fair to say that we're all guilty of doing the latter--putting a label on someone else before having met them--one time or another. "Oh, that person seems really stuck-up." Or "It seems like s/he likes sitting alone, so I'll just leave him/her be."

Can you see how these presumptions limit not only ourselves, but the other person too?

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that we should shed all labels, though. Adjectives, actions, and experiences make us who we are, and being aware of these help us grow.

Say you're a shy person. Do you want to keep being shy, or do you want to change that? Or say that you're angry person. Do you like being angry all the time, or do you want to change that?  Say you made a mistake in your life. Do you want to be burdened by that forever, or do you want to move on?

What I'm trying to say is: Let words describe you, not define you.

There are also "positive" or "goal" labels. What does a goal label look like? Well, I would like to be labeled as caring, compassionate, empathetic, hardworking, friendly, approachable. Aren't these characteristics that we want to hear when someone is describing us?

Anyway, I wanted to focus on introverts today, so I'll get back to that now. The whole point of the speal above is that you really need to want to get rid of that shyness before you can put yourself out there.

So think about all the things you can gain in life--love, peace, shelter, brotherhood--by challenging yourself to reach out. Then ask yourself if it really is worth being quiet.

With the reflection component of this post over, here are seven tips for getting started with becoming a more outgoing and friendly version of yourself! I hope you find these helpful--if you have any of your own ideas or some feedback, please let me know in the comments!

#1: Force it.
I used to be really shy, guys--practically afraid of talking to anyone I didn't know. If this gives you a proper illustration, I carried a book around with me every day during middle school so that I would have it as an excuse to avoid talking to people during snack break. So when I arrived in college 5 years later, meeting people initially still felt like ripping fingernails out. However, I just had to buckle myself down and approach others, throwing out a name and a smile. It feels really unnatural at first, but if you practice it every day, it starts becoming habit. Don't overcomplicate it. Swallow the anxiety that's churning in your stomach, step out, and ask someone, "Hey, how's your day?" Whether you're in an elevator, sitting in a cafe, or happen to see a person you barely recognize, that's all you really need to get a conversation going.


#2: Join a group activity.

It is so much easier to form connections with people when you already have something in common. So, instead of working out by yourself at home, go running on the track at the gym. Or if you enjoy reading like I do, you could join a book club. It would also be fun to try something new. My experiment was joining tae kwon do, and some of my most influential relationships formed during high school were from the people I met there. (I met my mentor and first boyfriend through the tae kwon do school.)

#3: Invite someone over.
It doesn't even really have to be anything formal like dinner, either. You could just invite someone over to watch some reruns of a TV show you and that other person enjoy. Making that one step usually causes the other person (or group of people) to recognize you more easily and thus forms a stronger connection.

#4: Put some time into your appearance.
I feel somewhat shallow when phrasing it like this, but it actually does pay off to look good. Let's face it: when you look good, you feel good--it's just natural instinct! That being said, there are many ways to improve your appearance. Working out, eating healthy, treating yourself at the mall by buying a new outfit, applying some makeup--all of these are ways to help you look your best and then gain confidence in yourself.

#5: Remember to have some down time.
Putting yourself out there takes a lot of energy and while fun can be pretty draining. I spend my down time in my room, writing, reading daily devotions, and prayer-journaling. Sometimes I do stretches or sit-ups too, and face massages are always a nice treat. Another option would be writing an email to a distant friend, which not only gives you an opportunity to reconnect with someone but reflect on all the things you've been doing. Take some time to recharge by yourself so that you'll be up at your 100% when it comes to meeting new people.

#6: Be informed, and be aware.
Keep up with the news, read blogs (and follow this one!), and listen to NPR every now and then. Also be conscious of the movements happening around you, and pay attention to the conversations you're in. The more you know, the more you'll have to say.

#7: Don't get discouraged.
Let's face it, not everyone is gonna like you. It sounds a little cliche, but haters are gonna hate. Also, you may at first feel like the effort is not worth it if you don't instantly feel a connection with another person that you tried approaching. This shouldn't get you down, though, because once you start meeting more and more people, you'll find the right niche that fits you perfectly, where friends will love you unconditionally. It is a trying process, but just keep up at it and you'll be forming connections and networking in no time!

For some reason, silver linings popped into my mind at this point. So here is one from cauldronsandcupcakes.wordpress.com

So there you have it guys! A nice, long post about making friends if you're an introvert. I hope you found this inspirational and got you fired up and ready to start meeting new people. One last bonus tip: It's only awkward if you make it awkward (you'll know what I'm talking about if you run into one of these situations...and that wasn't meant to sound dirty!).

Thank you for visiting, and please feel free to leave a comment or email me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com! I write a post every Tuesday, so also remember to subscribe to my blog through Bloglovin' or follow me on Twitter so that you'll never miss an update. There are also options to follow Smiles No Matter on the right sidebar (email, RSS, and Google Friend Connect), so just choose what is most convenient for you. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I love blogging!

Take care,
-Riley XO

P.S. I saw the most adorable pug puppy on campus yesterday. She was absolutely adorable and was only two months old--I spent about five minutes petting and talking to her. So here's a quick picture to share some puppy adorableness with you!

Awwwwwww <3
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Now whenever you have a bad day, just think about this warm, cuddly puppy. Smile on.

My Black Belt Test

Hello everybody! Today I wanted to share what is potentially the biggest day of my summer with you. I actually tested for my black belt last Saturday. It was a very emotional time for me because I didn't really realize how quickly this summer has flown until Friday afternoon. All the way through the season of working, spending time with friends, and blogging--the black belt test just seemed to be something so far away.

(I have a couple of pictures here on the blog. Sorry about the poor quality--they were taken on my sister's phone and I am too lazy to edit them. The sun coming in through the windows makes the lighting look really funky, but it doesn't bother me enough to fix it.)

Tae kwon do has been a major part of my life for about two-and-a-half years now. It's my primary form of exercise, and I love it because I've made such wonderful friends from the school. Plus, it provides an outlet for stress relief when I needed a break from school. Each school has its own methods and philosophies, but I recommend practicing martial arts to pretty much every teenager I meet. Ever since I started, my sense of self-confidence has really grown stronger, and going to practice tae kwon do has usually been the best part of each day, both during school and in the summer.

The test started with an hour-long meditation. Then, we proceeded to execute all the forms, basic motions, sparring techniques, nun-chuck routines, kicks, board breaking, and exercises. The entire test was approximately four hours long, so I had a bottle of Gatorade in handy since I have low blood sugar and pressure.

Even though I'm still sore while writing this, the whole thing seems surreal, a blur. My black belt is sitting on my counter and it definitely has my Korean name on it, but it's hard to grasp the fact that I earned it. I don't know--I guess I never really saw myself coming this far.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to everyone who's supported me through this whole process. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without my family and friends. Actually, if it weren't for them I'd probably have spent this whole summer wasting away at work in that fast food restaurant. I'm not going to mention any specific people because if they're reading this, they know who they are.

I also want to thank my friends (who sat through the entire four hours!) for not giving me a hard time about me crying at the end of the test. I was physically exhausted and then got really emotional when Master Park asked me to give a speech to my parents since the time left with them is becoming shorter and shorter. I was again reminded how blessed I am to have my parents in my life--I can never fully repay them for all they have done for me.

Finally, I thank you for reading through this entire post! It isn't even close to describing all of the emotions I experienced while receiving my black belt, and it doesn't include all of the details of the test, but this post is just one way for you to get to know me better. I'm not sure if I've mentioned tae kwon do on this blog before or not, but it occupies a precious place in my heart.

That's what I've been up to lately--what have you been doing all summer? Did you spend a lot of time with your friends? Did you travel? Try anything new? What's your best memory? Please share in the comments below!

Coming up on this blog, I'm going to be wrapping up the series Get Ready For College With Me and take a whack at writing a beauty post. My take on beauty focuses a lot more on inner beauty and being healthy, but I do have a couple of tips that are helpful for fellow students out there who don't have a lot of time to devote to pampering their skin and/or hair but still care about such things.

If there's anything else you'd like me to blog about, please feel free to leave a comment below or email me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com. Otherwise, I have a lot of inspirational quotes, thoughts, and pictures in store for you all as well :)

Take care,
-Riley XO

Get Ready for College With Me: Extracurricular Activities

Welcome back to my blog! In the last post of this series Get Ready for College With Me, I talked a bit about taking AP classes, which you can find by clicking here. So today I want to discuss extracurricular activities and give general advice to high schoolers who are juggling several activities or want to be more involved.

Being involved in extracurricular activities is important for getting into college. But the beauty of it is that unlike taking challenging classes and doing well in those (there is a set number of classes offered after all), the choices that are available for these extracurriculars are unlimited.

The options vary because people vary--we have differing passions. So with that in mind, it's important to spend your time doing what you love.

Keeping in mind my advice from the post regarding AP classes and that you should definitely take as many as you can possibly handle, let's put a couple of things into perspective.

There are 24 hours in a day, and the average student requires 7-8 hours in order to function healthily. So if we factor in sleep, breakfast, and dinner, that leaves us with about 15 hours. School lasts for about 7 hours, and homework takes an average of 3. Which leaves us with roughly 5 hours to do whatever we want every day.

What do we do with these 5 hours?

Quick Tip: Count your hours! I often hear people saying that they didn't have enough time to do an important project--but how come these individuals are the only few out of the entire class who doesn't finish the project in the given time frame? Personal problems are sometimes the reason and are acceptable, but those are usually rare. Usually, the problem is that these people haven't put into perspective their time frames and haven't paced themselves properly. You could accomplish a ton in five hours, but it's also the length of two movies, so manage your time wisely.

Well, I made a resume of my high school activities for some college and scholarship applications, and here is a list of a few of the major things I included:

• Community service (through church, hospital, and the library)
• National Honor Society and Tri-M (which is the music honor society)
• Part-time job at a fast food restaurant
• Orchestra
• Tae Kwon Do
• Wrote a blog

My schedule changed constantly. If I happened to have a lot of homework a certain night, I would shave down the time I spent practicing the violin or sometimes had to skip Tae Kwon Do. Or when I started dating, I wrote less so that I could spend more time with him. On a couple of occasions, I had to drop everything in order to cover a shift at work. With orchestra there are chair challenges and concerts. With soccer there are games that may or may not be far away. So how can a teenager successfully handle this fluid, sporadic schedule?

My simple answer: Prioritization.

School always came first for me. If maintaining high grades is important to you, then you should naturally spend more time studying and thoroughly understanding the material. (And high grades are extremely important for anyone who wants to go to college--transcripts are usually the first or second things that college admissions look at--and will also help with landing scholarships.) My schedule every day was for the most part structured around how much homework I would have every night.

Next, since fitness is important to me, I usually locked in the 1.5 hours for Tae Kwon Do. Writing took slight priority over playing the violin, so if I was done with homework I would usually blog upon returning from Tae Kwon Do, practicing during breaks.

Likewise, my advice is to make a list of your activities and set them into levels. What are the things that you cannot live without doing? How much time do you spend on TV or surfing the web? What could you do instead?

Moving off of those thoughts, here are is some advice from my ever-so-eloquent Astronomy teacher: "Get good at something." In other words, don't just be a member that shows up to six different clubs and contributes the bare minimum just to impress college. Rather, invest your time into one or two clubs that actually interest you and use that interest to excel at it. Foster some passion. Run to be a president, VP, secretary, or treasurer of the club.

Do something that you love enough to put in a ton of energy. This is what defines you. If you're an athlete, compete on the varsity team, volunteer in a sports camp for kids during the summer, and support other teams in your school by attending fund raisers. If you're a bookworm, join the lit mag, yearbook, or newspaper staff. If you like experiments, join the Science Olympiad. If you like working with people, do some service, join FBLA, Speech and Debate, or Student Council. If you work, talk to your coworkers and/or customers--care more about them, relate to them. Or if you have an odd hobby and like making crafts, make them and sign up for shows, go to craft shows, maybe even start a business.

The possibilities are endless, and if you use those five hours to the fullest, then you really improve your level of happiness because you are literally living your passion.

So here's a question: What if you don't know what your passion is yet?

To be honest, I was one of those people during my freshman and sophomore years of high school. My best advice is to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Two years ago, I would never have dreamed of doing tae kwon do, and look at me now--I'll be testing for my black belt in less than two weeks!

Good luck with the rest of high school, and have lots of fun with these years too!

Take care,
-Riley XO

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The next post in this series will include my advice concerning college apps and standardized tests. It will be coming out this Saturday morning, so check it out when you have time! When the series is complete in a week or so, I'll go back to posting little snippets of inspiration--I already have many ideas in store for you guys. Please follow this blog by email, Bloglovin', or RSS so that you can be alerted when new content is posted. I'm also a part of several blogging communities, and the badges can be found on the About page. Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day!