How to Commit to a New Habit

Good morning, all! How are you today? I apologize for missing last week's post. I had wanted to write about the things I'd learned while working in food service, but unfortunately I was having trouble finding the right words. So I'm going to think that post over a little more before publishing it.

Today, I want to talk about taking chances--stepping out of your comfort zone. I don't know if it's just that I've had a lot of spare time this summer that I've been inspired to try all sorts of new things or if I'm inspired because the new school year is about to begin. Maybe part of it is that since this summer's series was more reflective side, it's time for a bit of a change to take up a challenge to do something spontaneous!

Sometimes, when I tell people, "Yeah, I do [insert whatever hobby here]," they say "I've always wanted to do that." I don't know if that's another way of saying that [whatever hobby] is super cool, but when I hear those words, I just want to ask: "Well, why don't you?"

There are also times when I think of something that I've always wanted to do but then have to ask myself, "Well, what's been holding you back?"

Some of these things for me include reading the Bible consistently and vlogging. For me, it usually isn't that hard to step out of my comfort zone and try learning something new. Starting things is pretty simple, as is outlined in a previous post "Take This Summer to Learn Something New." But sticking to those things would be the greater part of the challenge.

Did you guys know that I have a vlog channel? Last week, I posted a vlog briefly describing the 365-Day Bible Reading Plan that I've started, and I thought that my experiences trying to get into reading the Bible would be applicable to today's discussion.

(Here is a link to the reading plan that I've been using, and it's been absolutely great: Bible Reading Plan for Shirkers and Slackers.)

I'm on my 19th day so far and I've found that every time is still fresh and interesting; this reading plan is certainly a helpful guide for getting into a good habit of exploring the Bible.

But, here's a question I had to ask myself: Why is this time around going so much better than all the previous times I'd attempted? Surely it isn't just the simple reading guide--as great as it may be--that's doing all the work!

So immediately, my thoughts went to something that I'd changed this time around. What helps the most is that I've been journaling with a special friend through Google Docs. On it, we write down our comments, highlights, and questions, and respond to each other's notes. It's been a great way to hold ourselves accountable--plus, sharing insights with each other makes the experience more exciting. We also gain each other's insights, which is very valuable to me.

And then, that made me realize that journaling and collaborating on a resolution with friends or family is a great way to stick to forming a new habit. Journaling if valuable because it holds you accountable to yourself. Writing will often make an abstract idea more concrete, so it will help organize thoughts and remind you of how much progress you've made.

Working with others is also beneficial because of reasons listed above--fresh perspectives, another level of accountability, and external sources of inspiration. Why not combine these two effective ways of sticking to a new habit?

The nice thing is that with Internet access, it's so easy to work with others to form healthy habits and try new things together that you don't even have to communicate face-to-face!

There are several methods for journaling collaboratively. I think that the easiest and neatest method would be sharing a Google Doc. Another good way would be to start a blog or vlog if you would like to share your progress with more people.

So next time you want to establish a new, healthy habit or rid yourself of a destructive old one, start by getting a couple friends involved and remember to write things down!

Good luck, and smile on,
-Riley XO

Making New Friends (For Introverts!)

Hello everybody, I hope you're having a wonderful week as always. I have a super long post in store for you today, so I'm just gonna cut to the chase right away. There is a lot to say on this matter, but I'm writing this with the purpose of providing a starting place for making new friends. This post includes two main parts: The first will hopefully get you to think about how you interact with others and provide some inspiration; the second will have my best tips for breaking out of some of those shells that you may have. And without further ado, let's get started!

A little bit about myself: I don't know if you can tell from this blog or not, but I am actually a pretty introverted person. I mean, I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I think of social interaction, but I do find myself getting overwhelmed fairly quickly while in a group of more than six people. That being said, God did create us to be in the world to interact and enjoy each others' talents, expressions, and company. I think of intoversion and extroversion on a spectrum. I'd say that I'm in the middle, though closer to the introverted side of the scale since I recharge by spending time alone reading or writing. But being with people stirs up a different kind of energy, which is also good in its own way.

Anyhow, there are a lot of times when I feel my shyness getting the better of me, and this post is for anyone who finds his/herself freezing up in certain social situations, or having a hard time making friends. It's okay to be on the quiet or shy side, but it's no good if it gets in the way of you pushing your limit and being surrounded by people who may come to be some of your best friends!

In order to illustrate my point, here is a video by Matthew Hussey that I think you'll find to be interesting:

What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

For me, there are components that I would agree with and ones that I would disagree with.

I would agree that the biggest obstacle that is in your life is usually yourself. Your own perceptions of yourself can really limit your capabilities. For lack of better words, I'll reference David Dark's The Sacredness of Questioning Everything:

The question I'd like to bring to language, my own and everyone else's, is the question of reductionism. Reductionism reigns when the words we use to give account of people and events serve only to reduce, degrade, and devalue human beings... This is a perversity we employ--perhaps it employs us--when we reduce a person to a "just" ("So-and-so is just a...") or a "nothing but" ("You're nothing but a..."), as if we've gotten to the bottom of all they are and will ever be (page 121).

Let's try combine the thoughts expressed by Hussey and Dark to conclude that we should avoid labeling ourselves and other people in order to make new friends, to learn and discover from others. In my experience, the people who really have trouble making friends are labelers--they either put labels on themselves or the people around them.

I personally am more guilty of the former. Have you ever been in a quiet mood? Where there's nothing wrong, but you just didn't feel like talking and wanted to spend time by yourself and think? I get in those moods frequently I recharge by relaxing by myself with a cup of tea or writing, not by meeting and greeting. Yet, when I attributed my quietness to shyness, I stopped making the effort to reach out to others. Because, well, that's just what shy people avoid doing.

I think it's also fair to say that we're all guilty of doing the latter--putting a label on someone else before having met them--one time or another. "Oh, that person seems really stuck-up." Or "It seems like s/he likes sitting alone, so I'll just leave him/her be."

Can you see how these presumptions limit not only ourselves, but the other person too?

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that we should shed all labels, though. Adjectives, actions, and experiences make us who we are, and being aware of these help us grow.

Say you're a shy person. Do you want to keep being shy, or do you want to change that? Or say that you're angry person. Do you like being angry all the time, or do you want to change that?  Say you made a mistake in your life. Do you want to be burdened by that forever, or do you want to move on?

What I'm trying to say is: Let words describe you, not define you.

There are also "positive" or "goal" labels. What does a goal label look like? Well, I would like to be labeled as caring, compassionate, empathetic, hardworking, friendly, approachable. Aren't these characteristics that we want to hear when someone is describing us?

Anyway, I wanted to focus on introverts today, so I'll get back to that now. The whole point of the speal above is that you really need to want to get rid of that shyness before you can put yourself out there.

So think about all the things you can gain in life--love, peace, shelter, brotherhood--by challenging yourself to reach out. Then ask yourself if it really is worth being quiet.

With the reflection component of this post over, here are seven tips for getting started with becoming a more outgoing and friendly version of yourself! I hope you find these helpful--if you have any of your own ideas or some feedback, please let me know in the comments!

#1: Force it.
I used to be really shy, guys--practically afraid of talking to anyone I didn't know. If this gives you a proper illustration, I carried a book around with me every day during middle school so that I would have it as an excuse to avoid talking to people during snack break. So when I arrived in college 5 years later, meeting people initially still felt like ripping fingernails out. However, I just had to buckle myself down and approach others, throwing out a name and a smile. It feels really unnatural at first, but if you practice it every day, it starts becoming habit. Don't overcomplicate it. Swallow the anxiety that's churning in your stomach, step out, and ask someone, "Hey, how's your day?" Whether you're in an elevator, sitting in a cafe, or happen to see a person you barely recognize, that's all you really need to get a conversation going.


#2: Join a group activity.

It is so much easier to form connections with people when you already have something in common. So, instead of working out by yourself at home, go running on the track at the gym. Or if you enjoy reading like I do, you could join a book club. It would also be fun to try something new. My experiment was joining tae kwon do, and some of my most influential relationships formed during high school were from the people I met there. (I met my mentor and first boyfriend through the tae kwon do school.)

#3: Invite someone over.
It doesn't even really have to be anything formal like dinner, either. You could just invite someone over to watch some reruns of a TV show you and that other person enjoy. Making that one step usually causes the other person (or group of people) to recognize you more easily and thus forms a stronger connection.

#4: Put some time into your appearance.
I feel somewhat shallow when phrasing it like this, but it actually does pay off to look good. Let's face it: when you look good, you feel good--it's just natural instinct! That being said, there are many ways to improve your appearance. Working out, eating healthy, treating yourself at the mall by buying a new outfit, applying some makeup--all of these are ways to help you look your best and then gain confidence in yourself.

#5: Remember to have some down time.
Putting yourself out there takes a lot of energy and while fun can be pretty draining. I spend my down time in my room, writing, reading daily devotions, and prayer-journaling. Sometimes I do stretches or sit-ups too, and face massages are always a nice treat. Another option would be writing an email to a distant friend, which not only gives you an opportunity to reconnect with someone but reflect on all the things you've been doing. Take some time to recharge by yourself so that you'll be up at your 100% when it comes to meeting new people.

#6: Be informed, and be aware.
Keep up with the news, read blogs (and follow this one!), and listen to NPR every now and then. Also be conscious of the movements happening around you, and pay attention to the conversations you're in. The more you know, the more you'll have to say.

#7: Don't get discouraged.
Let's face it, not everyone is gonna like you. It sounds a little cliche, but haters are gonna hate. Also, you may at first feel like the effort is not worth it if you don't instantly feel a connection with another person that you tried approaching. This shouldn't get you down, though, because once you start meeting more and more people, you'll find the right niche that fits you perfectly, where friends will love you unconditionally. It is a trying process, but just keep up at it and you'll be forming connections and networking in no time!

For some reason, silver linings popped into my mind at this point. So here is one from cauldronsandcupcakes.wordpress.com

So there you have it guys! A nice, long post about making friends if you're an introvert. I hope you found this inspirational and got you fired up and ready to start meeting new people. One last bonus tip: It's only awkward if you make it awkward (you'll know what I'm talking about if you run into one of these situations...and that wasn't meant to sound dirty!).

Thank you for visiting, and please feel free to leave a comment or email me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com! I write a post every Tuesday, so also remember to subscribe to my blog through Bloglovin' or follow me on Twitter so that you'll never miss an update. There are also options to follow Smiles No Matter on the right sidebar (email, RSS, and Google Friend Connect), so just choose what is most convenient for you. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I love blogging!

Take care,
-Riley XO

P.S. I saw the most adorable pug puppy on campus yesterday. She was absolutely adorable and was only two months old--I spent about five minutes petting and talking to her. So here's a quick picture to share some puppy adorableness with you!

Awwwwwww <3
petcollectionworld.com

Now whenever you have a bad day, just think about this warm, cuddly puppy. Smile on.

Submerged in Happiness Day One: 5 People

Good morning (or night, wherever you may be)! I follow a page called Quote of the Day on Facebook. They provide some witty lines and amusing quips that are easy to remember, and recently they started adding an artistic element to their quotations. I found this one striking:

 

With it being the last summer of high school and upon turning eighteen a couple weeks ago, I've been spending some precious time with the people who have meant the most to me. So the first thing I thought of when I saw this quotation was my group of best friends that I've been with since grade school. (There are five of us.)

The other night, we put on makeup and prom dresses, snapped way too many pictures, and then slipped into some summer dresses to go to a splendid fondue restaurant. These four girls are such a blessing--I cannot express fully enough how much I love them.

What makes our friendship so strong is that we are accepting. We ultimately love unconditionally despite flaws, distance, or fights. Basically, as a group, we make great memories, support one another, and laugh without end.

I don't believe that we can really choose who we spend the most time with because God has a plan which includes who we end up seeing day in and day out. However, I do agree that the traits of the people who are closest to your heart will influence your actions.

I remember that one of my very dear friends was a pessimist, but the more and more time I spent talking with him, my own heart began to grow darker, more egocentric. During that period, I didn't realize this, but while I was with my other friends I began to notice that this was happening.

So, guys, learn that others' beliefs start to become your own, especially if those people are closest to you.

I thought of two quotations that, when put together with the quote of the day above, form a powerful, powerful message--so powerful that I've written "powerful" four times already!

Firstly, here are the lyrics of a little sing-along piece I learned as Little Riley:

Oh be careful little eyes what you see, oh be careful little eyes what you see. For the Father up above is looking down in love so be careful little eyes what you see.
(It also repeats with "little ears what you hear" and "little lips what you say.")

And secondly, Gandhi's famous words are:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”  

It is so important to be wary of what is going into your mind and shaping your beliefs, because that is what becomes a quintessential part of you.

I think that what's most important is submerging yourself with positivity in order to unlock the full potential inside. Love the people who say "It is possible," ones who walk around with a smile, ones who support and see the value inside of you. As you are submerged with people like this, you'll also start to behave prosocially, which is synonymous with leading a fulfilling, happy life.

I'll be hosting a mini-series on this blog this week consisting of three posts that address what sort of things you can submerge yourself in with the goal of smiling no matter.

For Day One today, just take some time to think about who your closest friends are, why you love them, and what you do for each other. Think about your family--all that your parents have taught you, all the camaraderie you share with any siblings or cousins. And finally, take a brief moment to talk to them. Thank them for everything they've been through with you; they have played a vital role in shaping you to be the person you are now, after all.

I'm going to challenge myself and you to thank five people (in addition to family) for shaping the beliefs engrained within my heart and pushing me along the path to where I am today.

Take care!
-Riley XO

Monsters University

Since my friends and I live on the edge, we went to see the midnight showing of Monsters University last night.

Disney has a dear place in my heart because it basically sums up the entirety of my childhood. I grew up singing "Part of Your World" and "Hakuna Matata," and humming the tunes to Beauty and the Beast or Mulan.

Do any of you have that experience, where you watch something from your childhood and realize that there was so much more to it than you thought all along? Well, for me, this is true. When I see some of the morals, rhetoric, and--let's face it--dirty jokes from Disney movies now that I hadn't realized before, it's like having an epiphany.

Anyway, I don't want to give anything in the movie away, but it is in essence a story of finding your strengths, and persevering despite unreasonable odds.

You know, some people treat life as a gambling game. If the odds of failure are high, we often don't even try. But if it's your dream, why not try? Is life even worth living if you don't pursue your dreams? And don't the risks make achieving those goals even more thrilling?

To me, the movie was ultimately about staying true to yourself (which is a valuable lesson taught in many Disney movies, but one that I am learning constantly).

Monsters University was pretty much the perfect movie for me and my friends to watch though, not necessarily for the entertainment, but for the sentimentality effect. Monsters Inc. came out when I was only seven years old. Mike Wazowski and Sulley were characters that I grew up knowing. It sounds kind of cheesey, but Monsters University was kind of a bridge between my childhood and college, considering the timing and theme.

I absolutely loved watching this movie and would very much like to see it again.

Please do try to get a chance to watch it, and if/when you do, feel free to leave your thoughts on the film in the comments! The blog has a new format from before, so just scroll up and click on the speech bubble at the top right hand corner of the post.

Have a great day!
-Riley XO

8 Things to do with Your Friends This Summer

Hey all, so summer is finally here! Summer is one of the best times of the year for students--as you probably know. Suddenly, we have all of this free time to spend doing whatever we want. But it's not worthwhile to just sit around at home staring at the ceiling and "relaxing" the whole time.

The purpose of this blog is to give you reasons to smile, and what could be a better reason to smile than having made new memories with your friends?

image from http://summertdl.wordpress.com/page/2/

Without further ado, here are eight creative ways for you to spice up your summer with a group of friends.

1. Organize a mystery party. I've only organized two mystery parties, but they are incredible. Some mystery parties can be pretty expensive for student budgets. However, I found an excellent site that has a free mystery party! Please click here to read the synopsis and available download for Michael Akers's "Sour Grapes of Wrath." Mystery parties are fun because it allows any number over four people to participate.
2. Make collages. Gather some magazines (or pictures) and brainstorm a topic--anything from friendship to desserts to vacation destinations. Then, take some time alone to create your own collage. Afterward, present your collages to your friends and see what different ideas you have. You could be surprised.
3. Play Ultimate Frisbee. Get a nice-sized group and get outside. Run, enjoy the air and sun. It doesn't even really have to be Ultimate Frisbee. Just make that trek to the park--do something active!
4. Cook dinner. For your parents. Yes, for your parents. If you're anything like me, this may seem like a daunting task, so that's where the friends part comes in. Gather your friends at around 3:00, watch a quick TV show, and then set to work trying a fancy recipe. Don't settle for spaghetti; try making something like Eggplant Parmesan or Chicken Pad Thai. Also, the best dinners have a nice dessert to finish off on a sweet note. This is also nice way to show your parents or mentors how much you appreciate them.
5. Learn yoga. Okay guys, maybe this sounds silly to you. Some of you might be shaking your heads. Well, yoga is something that I've personally wanted to learn for a long time. Us teenagers are under a lot of pressure when it comes to balancing our work, school, extracurricular, and social lives. Learning some yoga, meditation, and breathing techniques this summer will help you to lead a healthier, more relaxed and steady life.
6. Organize a service project. It doesn't have to be anything too complex. Motivating a group of teenagers to wake up early in the morning to volunteer at a soup kitchen is work enough. Plant a tree, or go together to visit a nursing home. Not only will you help the community--you'll also have fun doing so with your friends. And who knows? You just might learn something about yourself and each other.
7. Make a music video. Find a completely random song, learn the lyrics, and try to top the original MV with one of your own. If you need help finding a random song/video, here is one that may leave you shocked for a couple minutes, but would definitely be...interesting...to try tackling. Please follow this link to see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzC4hFK5P3g
8. Go on an adventure. I'm blessed to live in the lovely state of Colorado, and I have the ability to go to the mountains for a hike. But even if you don't have mountains, there must be hills, beaches, valleys, or beautiful fields or forests to explore within a reasonable distance. Our generation is earning a reputation for being too "plugged in." So take a day off, and be one with your friends and the breathtaking scenery that is all around us. Bring a camera, sunglasses--don't forget your water bottle or sunscreen either!

inbetweenthekeys.blogspot.com

And there are my eight things that you can do this summer. I hope that this gives you some ideas to treat yourself and the people around you--to make add a little something to the story of your summer.

I really tried to think of activities that would appeal to people of a variety of age groups and interests, but if you have any of your own, please feel free to share in the comments below.

Have a wonderful time!
-Riley XO