September 1, 2015

When They Don't Love You Back

Good morning! Hope all is well. My life has been a little on the crazy side, so it has been a little while--but we finally get to have this heart-to-heart and share our thoughts on a harder topic when it comes to romantic relationships. Today's post is a continuation of my previous post, so please go check that out if you haven't seen it already! Before Saee's guest post on the Misconceptions of Love, we talked about the simplest way to decide whether or not we love somebody. But as you guys must have realized, things aren't really that simple. And this is because, while love is an action, it is also a relationship. So although love is undoubtedly there, it will look different for everybody. Our actions must therefore be different depending on the context and the people involved.

Have you ever been "friendzoned"? In love with somebody when you know they do not love you back? I've been in this situation (on both sides!) before, and it is not easy. If it seems like nothing will happen, what do you do? While I do not have the solution since every situation is different, here are 5 important things to keep in mind:

  1. Be fair to yourself. Yes, love is an open door, and yes, love is putting them before yourself. But you know what? You need to love yourself too! If you feel like you cannot live without this person--there is something wrong with that picture. Even if they love you back and you are in a relationship with somebody, maintaining that sense of self-efficacy and knowledge of what you stand for means so much for your overall happiness. Do not let anybody get in the way of everything you're about. 
  2. Ask advice from your mentor. During a hard time, my coaches said, "We are not your peers... We have been through a lot more than you have, have a lot more experiences. What we will tell you is different from what your friends will." And this is true. Talk to somebody older than you who has more experience. If you're a freshman in high school, talk to a senior or college student. Or you could talk to a teacher that you're close to. Your parents. Somebody with more experience than you that you trust. Listen to what they say, and take it into consideration.
  3. Communicate with the other person. Yes, I know--it's terrifying being that vulnerable! If you can't say exactly how you feel, let them know that you're working through something. Be as honest as you can so that there won't be any additional strain on your current friendship with that person.
  4. Respect the other person's feelings. The "friendzone" has gotten such a bad connotation these days, but you know what? If you love that person, being his/her friend is a privilege! And the honest truth is that liking someone doesn't mean that they have an obligation to like you back. One of the most hurtful things that one of my guy friends said when I told him that I wanted to be friends after he asked me out was, "Oh, so I guess I'm not as good as your ex boyfriend." (Keep in mind that I had just gone through that breakup a week ago.) Show the other person that you are mature, respectful, and kind--that you value them. If you show that you care about your friendship, it will make a difference in his/her life and yours too.
  5. Be conscientious of your actions. Continue being yourself, but remember to be kind and gentle. Be aware that your actions will impact more people than just you as you try to decide whether to love them from afar, to try to pursue them, or to try to get over the romantic feelings for them. 
And there we have it! Five simple tips to keep in mind when they don't love you back. It was quite sobering to write about love that's missing something... The next post will be the last one in the romantic love series (unless if you would like to write a guest post!), so please stay tuned for it by following my tan social media links on the left sidebar!

Smile on,

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