How to Commit to a New Habit

Good morning, all! How are you today? I apologize for missing last week's post. I had wanted to write about the things I'd learned while working in food service, but unfortunately I was having trouble finding the right words. So I'm going to think that post over a little more before publishing it.

Today, I want to talk about taking chances--stepping out of your comfort zone. I don't know if it's just that I've had a lot of spare time this summer that I've been inspired to try all sorts of new things or if I'm inspired because the new school year is about to begin. Maybe part of it is that since this summer's series was more reflective side, it's time for a bit of a change to take up a challenge to do something spontaneous!

Sometimes, when I tell people, "Yeah, I do [insert whatever hobby here]," they say "I've always wanted to do that." I don't know if that's another way of saying that [whatever hobby] is super cool, but when I hear those words, I just want to ask: "Well, why don't you?"

There are also times when I think of something that I've always wanted to do but then have to ask myself, "Well, what's been holding you back?"

Some of these things for me include reading the Bible consistently and vlogging. For me, it usually isn't that hard to step out of my comfort zone and try learning something new. Starting things is pretty simple, as is outlined in a previous post "Take This Summer to Learn Something New." But sticking to those things would be the greater part of the challenge.

Did you guys know that I have a vlog channel? Last week, I posted a vlog briefly describing the 365-Day Bible Reading Plan that I've started, and I thought that my experiences trying to get into reading the Bible would be applicable to today's discussion.

(Here is a link to the reading plan that I've been using, and it's been absolutely great: Bible Reading Plan for Shirkers and Slackers.)

I'm on my 19th day so far and I've found that every time is still fresh and interesting; this reading plan is certainly a helpful guide for getting into a good habit of exploring the Bible.

But, here's a question I had to ask myself: Why is this time around going so much better than all the previous times I'd attempted? Surely it isn't just the simple reading guide--as great as it may be--that's doing all the work!

So immediately, my thoughts went to something that I'd changed this time around. What helps the most is that I've been journaling with a special friend through Google Docs. On it, we write down our comments, highlights, and questions, and respond to each other's notes. It's been a great way to hold ourselves accountable--plus, sharing insights with each other makes the experience more exciting. We also gain each other's insights, which is very valuable to me.

And then, that made me realize that journaling and collaborating on a resolution with friends or family is a great way to stick to forming a new habit. Journaling if valuable because it holds you accountable to yourself. Writing will often make an abstract idea more concrete, so it will help organize thoughts and remind you of how much progress you've made.

Working with others is also beneficial because of reasons listed above--fresh perspectives, another level of accountability, and external sources of inspiration. Why not combine these two effective ways of sticking to a new habit?

The nice thing is that with Internet access, it's so easy to work with others to form healthy habits and try new things together that you don't even have to communicate face-to-face!

There are several methods for journaling collaboratively. I think that the easiest and neatest method would be sharing a Google Doc. Another good way would be to start a blog or vlog if you would like to share your progress with more people.

So next time you want to establish a new, healthy habit or rid yourself of a destructive old one, start by getting a couple friends involved and remember to write things down!

Good luck, and smile on,
-Riley XO

Making New Friends (For Introverts!)

Hello everybody, I hope you're having a wonderful week as always. I have a super long post in store for you today, so I'm just gonna cut to the chase right away. There is a lot to say on this matter, but I'm writing this with the purpose of providing a starting place for making new friends. This post includes two main parts: The first will hopefully get you to think about how you interact with others and provide some inspiration; the second will have my best tips for breaking out of some of those shells that you may have. And without further ado, let's get started!

A little bit about myself: I don't know if you can tell from this blog or not, but I am actually a pretty introverted person. I mean, I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I think of social interaction, but I do find myself getting overwhelmed fairly quickly while in a group of more than six people. That being said, God did create us to be in the world to interact and enjoy each others' talents, expressions, and company. I think of intoversion and extroversion on a spectrum. I'd say that I'm in the middle, though closer to the introverted side of the scale since I recharge by spending time alone reading or writing. But being with people stirs up a different kind of energy, which is also good in its own way.

Anyhow, there are a lot of times when I feel my shyness getting the better of me, and this post is for anyone who finds his/herself freezing up in certain social situations, or having a hard time making friends. It's okay to be on the quiet or shy side, but it's no good if it gets in the way of you pushing your limit and being surrounded by people who may come to be some of your best friends!

In order to illustrate my point, here is a video by Matthew Hussey that I think you'll find to be interesting:

What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

For me, there are components that I would agree with and ones that I would disagree with.

I would agree that the biggest obstacle that is in your life is usually yourself. Your own perceptions of yourself can really limit your capabilities. For lack of better words, I'll reference David Dark's The Sacredness of Questioning Everything:

The question I'd like to bring to language, my own and everyone else's, is the question of reductionism. Reductionism reigns when the words we use to give account of people and events serve only to reduce, degrade, and devalue human beings... This is a perversity we employ--perhaps it employs us--when we reduce a person to a "just" ("So-and-so is just a...") or a "nothing but" ("You're nothing but a..."), as if we've gotten to the bottom of all they are and will ever be (page 121).

Let's try combine the thoughts expressed by Hussey and Dark to conclude that we should avoid labeling ourselves and other people in order to make new friends, to learn and discover from others. In my experience, the people who really have trouble making friends are labelers--they either put labels on themselves or the people around them.

I personally am more guilty of the former. Have you ever been in a quiet mood? Where there's nothing wrong, but you just didn't feel like talking and wanted to spend time by yourself and think? I get in those moods frequently I recharge by relaxing by myself with a cup of tea or writing, not by meeting and greeting. Yet, when I attributed my quietness to shyness, I stopped making the effort to reach out to others. Because, well, that's just what shy people avoid doing.

I think it's also fair to say that we're all guilty of doing the latter--putting a label on someone else before having met them--one time or another. "Oh, that person seems really stuck-up." Or "It seems like s/he likes sitting alone, so I'll just leave him/her be."

Can you see how these presumptions limit not only ourselves, but the other person too?

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that we should shed all labels, though. Adjectives, actions, and experiences make us who we are, and being aware of these help us grow.

Say you're a shy person. Do you want to keep being shy, or do you want to change that? Or say that you're angry person. Do you like being angry all the time, or do you want to change that?  Say you made a mistake in your life. Do you want to be burdened by that forever, or do you want to move on?

What I'm trying to say is: Let words describe you, not define you.

There are also "positive" or "goal" labels. What does a goal label look like? Well, I would like to be labeled as caring, compassionate, empathetic, hardworking, friendly, approachable. Aren't these characteristics that we want to hear when someone is describing us?

Anyway, I wanted to focus on introverts today, so I'll get back to that now. The whole point of the speal above is that you really need to want to get rid of that shyness before you can put yourself out there.

So think about all the things you can gain in life--love, peace, shelter, brotherhood--by challenging yourself to reach out. Then ask yourself if it really is worth being quiet.

With the reflection component of this post over, here are seven tips for getting started with becoming a more outgoing and friendly version of yourself! I hope you find these helpful--if you have any of your own ideas or some feedback, please let me know in the comments!

#1: Force it.
I used to be really shy, guys--practically afraid of talking to anyone I didn't know. If this gives you a proper illustration, I carried a book around with me every day during middle school so that I would have it as an excuse to avoid talking to people during snack break. So when I arrived in college 5 years later, meeting people initially still felt like ripping fingernails out. However, I just had to buckle myself down and approach others, throwing out a name and a smile. It feels really unnatural at first, but if you practice it every day, it starts becoming habit. Don't overcomplicate it. Swallow the anxiety that's churning in your stomach, step out, and ask someone, "Hey, how's your day?" Whether you're in an elevator, sitting in a cafe, or happen to see a person you barely recognize, that's all you really need to get a conversation going.


#2: Join a group activity.

It is so much easier to form connections with people when you already have something in common. So, instead of working out by yourself at home, go running on the track at the gym. Or if you enjoy reading like I do, you could join a book club. It would also be fun to try something new. My experiment was joining tae kwon do, and some of my most influential relationships formed during high school were from the people I met there. (I met my mentor and first boyfriend through the tae kwon do school.)

#3: Invite someone over.
It doesn't even really have to be anything formal like dinner, either. You could just invite someone over to watch some reruns of a TV show you and that other person enjoy. Making that one step usually causes the other person (or group of people) to recognize you more easily and thus forms a stronger connection.

#4: Put some time into your appearance.
I feel somewhat shallow when phrasing it like this, but it actually does pay off to look good. Let's face it: when you look good, you feel good--it's just natural instinct! That being said, there are many ways to improve your appearance. Working out, eating healthy, treating yourself at the mall by buying a new outfit, applying some makeup--all of these are ways to help you look your best and then gain confidence in yourself.

#5: Remember to have some down time.
Putting yourself out there takes a lot of energy and while fun can be pretty draining. I spend my down time in my room, writing, reading daily devotions, and prayer-journaling. Sometimes I do stretches or sit-ups too, and face massages are always a nice treat. Another option would be writing an email to a distant friend, which not only gives you an opportunity to reconnect with someone but reflect on all the things you've been doing. Take some time to recharge by yourself so that you'll be up at your 100% when it comes to meeting new people.

#6: Be informed, and be aware.
Keep up with the news, read blogs (and follow this one!), and listen to NPR every now and then. Also be conscious of the movements happening around you, and pay attention to the conversations you're in. The more you know, the more you'll have to say.

#7: Don't get discouraged.
Let's face it, not everyone is gonna like you. It sounds a little cliche, but haters are gonna hate. Also, you may at first feel like the effort is not worth it if you don't instantly feel a connection with another person that you tried approaching. This shouldn't get you down, though, because once you start meeting more and more people, you'll find the right niche that fits you perfectly, where friends will love you unconditionally. It is a trying process, but just keep up at it and you'll be forming connections and networking in no time!

For some reason, silver linings popped into my mind at this point. So here is one from cauldronsandcupcakes.wordpress.com

So there you have it guys! A nice, long post about making friends if you're an introvert. I hope you found this inspirational and got you fired up and ready to start meeting new people. One last bonus tip: It's only awkward if you make it awkward (you'll know what I'm talking about if you run into one of these situations...and that wasn't meant to sound dirty!).

Thank you for visiting, and please feel free to leave a comment or email me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com! I write a post every Tuesday, so also remember to subscribe to my blog through Bloglovin' or follow me on Twitter so that you'll never miss an update. There are also options to follow Smiles No Matter on the right sidebar (email, RSS, and Google Friend Connect), so just choose what is most convenient for you. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I love blogging!

Take care,
-Riley XO

P.S. I saw the most adorable pug puppy on campus yesterday. She was absolutely adorable and was only two months old--I spent about five minutes petting and talking to her. So here's a quick picture to share some puppy adorableness with you!

Awwwwwww <3
petcollectionworld.com

Now whenever you have a bad day, just think about this warm, cuddly puppy. Smile on.

Surviving the First Weeks of College

Hello everyone! It's been quite a while since I've been able to sit down and write a nice long post, but I have finished most of my other work beforehand so that I could finally take some time out and update you about what I've been up to lately, which is something that is only fair since you guys showed so much support during the series Get Ready For College With Me.

Just thought this was a cool pic from yuzmerkle.com

A former Astronomy teacher said that there's not really that big of a difference between classes in high school and classes in college. I actually agree with him on this one. University professors aren't more brilliant or enlightening by any drastic measure. Each one has their own style, and some styles are better than others, just like high school teachers. With that said, my classes aren't too bad this semester; my most challenging class would have to be Calc II just because the pace is pretty intense (I do think it's worth it, though!).

Even though the classes themselves aren't that different, it doesn't mean that a lot of other things have changed.

The biggest adjustment I had to make was moving from a quiet home in the suburbs to a dorm that's right by a street in the city. Living here, there isn't much of an option to be antisocial and stay cooped up at home playing video games. There're usually people getting food together, wanting to do homework, wanting to go to other places on campus--most of the first friends I made are the ones that live with me because I see them every day. I also find myself going out now that the excuse of having a long drive has been eliminated--our campus is a relatively small one, so everything is within walking distance and I've had so much fun going to sports games, attending Christian events, visiting friends, and hitting the gym.

However, living in the dorms also has its cons because I found myself downscaling starting from all the space I could ever want within my parents' house to this:

Plus a wardrobe for my clothes.

So although there's an entire campus at my fingertips and my roommate is extremely considerate and sweet, my actual personal space is basically limited to my bed and desk. For me it's definitely a fair trade so far, though.

I've also found my personality changing due to the new environment. It is so much easier to make friends in college because you move from a place where everyone knew each other to a place where no one knows each other yet, so in general people are extremely open to one another. I have met more people than I could count within these first few weeks, and it's been an absolute blessing. I've also prayed to find some good friends and I'm starting to find those, too. 

My biggest advice to anyone who's struggling to make friends freshman year is to throw self-consciousness out the window and start saying "hi" to people. I actually went door to door through my entire hall introducing myself when I ran for a position in the inter-residence hall government. Although I didn't win, a majority of the people in my hall--from all five floors--recognize my name and face. At first, starting conversations takes some effort and courage, but eventually it becomes natural and people will start approaching you in return. (I'm planning to write a post about this sometime in the upcoming weeks, so please subscribe to see tips for making new friends even as an introvert!)

The second major change that I've experienced is that there are significant breaks in between classes. This presents opportunities to socialize, do work, take naps, and in my case blog. I am still deciding what clubs I can join and hopefully find a chance to start doing research with faculty, so I haven't made a handy dandy daily schedule yet, but hopefully that will come soon. Freshmen find themselves with a lot of spare time, but once they start getting involved on campus life picks up quickly. It's a process, but it's starting to happen for me, so I'm very excited about this year. Plus, being involved is another easy way to make friends on campus that have similar interests to you.

As far as the rest of my college experience up to this date goes...

I'm a part of a service community, and this semester I will be working with refugees, helping them learn English and possibly setting up new apartments for families to move into. I am so excited to be a part of this! My dorm also has a community time every Sunday evening, and last time we broke up into small groups and shared our stories. I basically shared the story that you guys know, and included all the inspirations for this blog. It helped me form connections with other people because each of their stories are also so unique and empowering to hear.

I've also enjoyed emailing and writing letters to my friends every week and reading about their new adventures. The people in my life are such a blessing, and right now I'm just so happy that I chose to come to this particular university. I hope that your experiences also feel full and special, too. I would love to hear about your lives, so please feel free to comment or send me an email at smilesnomatter@gmail.com!

That's all I have to tell you guys in this post. Thank you for visiting today and I hope you have a fantastic week!
-Riley XO