10 Ways to Increase Happiness and Self Confidence

Happy Tuesday! Do you have any fun plans for this week and/or upcoming weekend? Let me know in the comments below. I will personally be working a lot and will also be looking forward to some exciting plans for Friday. It should be a great time!

Today, we'll be discussing self confidence. Do you struggle with insecurity? I think that a lot of young people do, and I would actually have to say that I also have a hard time with this, too. These days, we live in a culture that basks in a sense of competition and hierarchy. We tend to compare ourselves with other people with the visual of a ladder. She's better than me at this, I'm better than him at that. This group needs to improve on one thing, and I want to beat so-and-so at this other thing. Personally, I experience the most competition as a pre-med student. How do I stand as opposed to my competition when it comes to grades? Internships? Research? Extracurricular activities? Test scores? Community service hours? 

When you're constantly finding your spot on the ladder based on where everyone else is, how do you not start feeling that self confidence level take a hit?

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Well, here are ten tips for trying to help boost that self esteem (and happiness overall!). I hope you find these helpful and inspiring as you go about your week! 

#10: Think about your long-term goals frequently. Do you want to travel? Take up a new hobby? Have a successful career? Run a marathon? Become financially stable? Start a family? Make new friends? Grow in your faith and spirituality? Well, you could have all of these goals or even others, but I am a firm believer that long-term goals add purpose to life. And I think that having some sort of external purpose outside of solely existing is important. It gives your life meaning, and it also holds you accountable to yourself. These goals are what you want to achieve, so it's up to you to make them happen. As you come closer to reaching these and start setting new ones, you'll also come to appreciate how much you are capable of!

#9: Work toward your short-term goals. It's no good to just think about your long-term goals and then do nothing about them. It's best to plan out some of the steps you want to take in order to reach that long-term goal, kind of like having stops along the route in a road trip. Smaller journeys within a long one. Goals within goals. Achievement doesn't happen overnight, you have to work toward it every day. Doing this will increase your sense of self efficacy, and perhaps your self confidence will follow.

#8: Have fun with friends. Kicking back and letting loose can really work wonders, guys. Since I'm more of a Type-A(sian) personality, I don't really know if I believe in the "work hard, play harder" mentality because I tend to find a lot of value in the work I do. But, what is the point of working hard if you can't spend your life doing anything fun with the people around you? When you're having fun, it takes your mind off the stress that can cause insecurity and improve your perspective on the people around you--and yourself. Make some new memories, and enjoy life! 

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#7: Think laterally. I've addressed this in previous posts, but one's perspective on life can really transform when you think of everybody on a plain as opposed to a ladder. It ultimately comes down to accepting that every person has strengths and weaknesses, and the combinations of these strengths and weaknesses are unique to each person. Learn to embrace the people you come across as individuals. Think about yourself as an individual who has his/her own special place in the world. Find some self-acceptance, and then start building that self confidence.

#6: Eat healthy and be fit. We tend to have a more holistic approach to happiness, spirituality, and self esteem here at Smiles No Matter, and I would definitely say that although your physical appearance doesn't necessarily make you more confident, how you feel physically can make a huge impact. A lot of people don't think that they're the "exercising type" or the "healthy type." Although going to the gym every day or only eating salads sounds intense, these aren't the only ways to be healthy. People who spend 3-7 hours a week are already doing themselves a favor with little cost. And it's okay to still eat a lot as long as you're putting good foods into your body (it might even be better). Start with small steps. Instead of that bag of potato chips, try some carrot sticks or an apple. Instead of a Big Mac for lunch, try a grilled chicken sandwich. Go for a 20-minute walk after dinner. Drink a glass of water or tea every morning. These are just a few little ways to start moving toward a healthier lifestyle. When your body starts feeling better, you will too!

#5: Clean your space. This again goes into a more holistic perspective. Maintaining a clean and tidy desk, bedroom, and kitchen helps make work less stressful, rest more refreshing, and cooking more enjoyable. Take care of your home! 

#4: Do something kind for somebody else. There's a lot of talk about "survival of the fittest" these days, but one way a species stays fit is through altruism, which is a sense of self-sacrifice for the sake of another individual in the population. Why compete against someone if you can help her/him? Remember that you have the power to make a difference in another's life, and this can be a beautiful thing.

#3: Step out of your comfort zone. How do you expect to grow if you don't push yourself to try new things, take on different challenges, and experience life?

#2: Accept that bad things happen. Are you somebody who has a hard time getting over mistakes and bad times? I can say that I am definitely one of these people. When I see injustice or if I do something that hurts somebody else, I feel guilt for not having done more, and become filled with remorse for not having lived up to a standard or expectation that I'd held for myself. If you're like this too, I know what you're going through! Unfortunately, dwelling on the negative is harmful because it means that we're not focusing on the positive, and this can really tear down that self esteem. Instead of reliving the pain or guilt, accept it and find a way to move on. Whether this means making an apology, granting forgiveness, or addressing whatever needs to be fixed, do it as soon as possible. And when things blow up (and they will, because that's how life is), don't just learn to forgive others. Learn to forgive yourself, too.

#1: Remember the difference between self confidence and arrogance. It is possible to have self confidence and be happy while still maintaining humility. Self confidence is about accepting and loving yourself as a person--there is a lot of room to put others' needs ahead of your own while you have self confidence. 

So those are ten simple ways to increase your self confidence (and overall happiness too)! 

What's one thing you have done to help yourself? Any fun stories about stepping outside your comfort zone? Let me know in the comments below! 

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day! 

Smile on,

-Riley XO

5 Ingredients of Inner Beauty

Happy Tuesday! I stayed up the other night with some of my friends to watch the meteor shower last week. Did any of you make wishes on some "shooting stars"? Let me know in the comments!

I've been thinking about inner beauty quite a lot ever since I read Bailey's comment in a previous post. The manner in which she phrased it was so encouraging and it got me all excited about writing this post, but then I had to stop myself. Because, well, what in the world is inner beauty? It seems like beauty (inner or outer) is something that we can recognize but cannot ever fully define properly.

I believe that inner beauty is essentially the health of your soul. And like physical health, there are many variables which affect the health of your spirit. Having a positive attitude despite adversity is a discipline. Putting others before yourself takes exercise. And training yourself to be confident (note: confidence and arrogance are different) is a draining process because you need to find what you are confident about. Then there are all of the factors that you are putting inside yourself, your diet. How do the books you read or the movies you watch impact your perspective on life? Do your friends and family give you unconditional love and support? Do you go to church?

There are so many components to inner beauty, and they are intertwined and complex--you don't even have total control over some of them!--so for today I decided to talk about a couple that really stand out to me. Many of the other "ingredients" will probably surface later on in future posts, so five of them is sufficient for now. This post will be guided by two quote-pictures (does anyone have a better name for these?) that I found on Facebook a while ago and have been saving for a while.

So with all of that said, let's get started!

#1: Love
There are many types of love. Someone could probably start a whole new blog discussing even just a couple forms of love. (I mean, I suppose there are already thousands of blogs out there about romantic love, so I wasn't even exaggerating on that statement.) I'm going to try to keep it as brief as I can on this point since there are four other ingredients to discuss, but the most beautiful people I know have a lot of love in their hearts. Love for what they do, love for the people around them, love for themselves, love for God. Mother Teresa's famous quotation is "Do small things with great love." And guys, when you have love in your heart, everything in this world become so much more powerful, so much more meaningful.

Genuine, raw love is the greatest blessing that mankind has. It seems rare because it is so easy to complicate. What inspired me to start fostering love in my heart is Mother Teresa's quotation above. To do this, I started developing genuine interest for other people. When I meet someone new, one of the first questions I ask is: "What is your passion?" And swiftly following up: "Why do you do it?"

Developing love also involves tearing down walls and misconceptions. Before, it was difficult for me to feel attached to other people because I'd been betrayed by those who I'd cared about. Walls were naturally built, as a way to protect the heart. And the tragedy is that although these walls screen out pain, they also screen out love. Each person may have their own reason to have built a defense mechanism, but don't let the pain caused by a few lead you to neglect the thousands of people whom you have the opportunity to help during your lifetime. And if you are dealing with pain or when you deal with pain in the future, it is crucial to remember that it is ultimately your own choice to let it crush you or fight it--ultimately becoming a more mature, able person in the end. 

"The heart is a muscle. When it is broken, it grows back stronger." (Unknown) 

Society also plays a role in our struggle to love. Society teaches the concept of a social ladder: one that successful people are to climb. There is this hierarchy, where those on top generally look down on those at the bottom. Talented people are applauded, while those with modest or "average" abilities receive no recognition. But instead of considering those around you in a vertical manner, it is better instead to think of all people--big or small, black or white, religious or not, male or female, rich or poor--on a horizontal spectrum. While it may be natural to compare this trait with that one,  it is very easy to start "stacking" traits up. So upon meeting another person, it has helped me a lot to recognize the fact that s/he has his/her own story, strengths, weaknesses, and tribulations. Each person does--even you. And I am trying think more to myself, "What can I do to make their day better?" and "What can I learn from their story?"

This sort of mindset is one to take on for a loving spirit.


#2: Honesty
To me, it seems that usually people preach about being honest when it comes to matters dealing with "white lies." Lying vs. telling the truth is definitely a topic of deep philosophical meaning, so that will have to be reserved for a future post.

Anyway, today for this ingredient, I wanted to focus it more on the terms of self-reflection. Some unhappy people I know are dishonest with themselves on opposite extremes. Do you know anybody who tends to put him or herself down? It's an unrealistic way to look at oneself detrimentally because each person has both positive and negative qualities. Confidence is an important feature of inner beauty, so it is important to recognize your good traits, the ones that make you unique and fun to be around. Maybe you're a good listener, or are always there to lend a hand, or have a nice smile.

There is a fine line between confidence, or arrogance, though. So while being aware of the positive qualities is essential, it is also crucial to maintain a sense of humility--arrogance is a negative trait.

#3: Truth
Here is a value that is distinct from honesty. Honesty is mostly about being frank with yourself and others--asking questions like "Did I mess up?" "What did I do well today?" and "What can I do better tomorrow?"

Truth is slightly different because it's less reflective and more active. Truth is something we seek. It's obtainable by filling up your mind, by drinking in knowledge and wisdom. Read books, question others' opinions, learn from what others have learned. Find truth.


#4: Respect
Does it seem to anyone like our generation is losing respect as a whole? We don't seem to respect our parents in the same way they respected theirs; gossip destroys friendships; a sense of unsettling pessimism seems to drive the conscience of many. Drug abuse is a form of disrespect to our own bodies, and it's becoming a major problem.

Respect yourself, respect others, and respect the environment.

Treat others as you would have them treat you. So give them the benefit of the doubt, share with them, help them if they seem to be going through a rough time--even if you don't think they deserve it--because who knows? Maybe you'll be the person in need of some care and respect in the future.

#5: God

Having a relationship with God is the most important ingredient of inner beauty because it ultimately embodies all of the other ingredients. Praying to him gives you a sense of peace because you know he'll take care of your problems. He has set a pure example for loving those around us and instills a spirit of sincere compassion. Find him, and you will find truth, unconditional love, self-sacrifice, and a fulfilling lifestyle.

 

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And there are five ingredients of inner beauty. I hope you have a wonderful week and I will blog again soon!

 

I moved here to college safely, and I just wanted to thank all of my friends and family of supporting me through this process, especially my parents. I am also so happy that you also had a chance to read a little bit about my experiences through the series Get Ready For College With Me. Please subscribe and leave many comments--I love hearing from you guys and am willing to discuss just about anything!

 

Take care,

-Riley XO

Being Active!

Hello everybody! How are you today? I'm not doing too bad myself. The other day for tae kwon do, I tested for my red and black belt. I'm not bringing this up because I'm super excited that I am just so close to getting my black belt...

Okay, that's partly the reason XD
image from mtviggy.com

However, the test was pretty intense and reminded me to get a quick post out regarding fitness, and give you a little bit of insight of how I stay active to hopefully inspire you guys to keep leading healthy lives.

I don't think I can stress the importance of working out--there's a plethora of reasons:

• Exercise will help you live longer.
• When you keep your body moving, you speed up your metabolism and blood circulation. This means you are more resistant to disease and diabetes.
• The Bible says that your body is a temple. We can take this as a lesson regardless of religion. You only get one body, so this body is so valuable (like a temple). We should take care of it, make it the best it can be because we are so blessed with this life.
• Working out increases your level of confidence. Having the motivation to get up and do cardio every day is quite a feat, after all.
• While exercising, your body releases endorphins. Yes--you can increase your happiness through exercise!

Like I said, there is a plethora of reasons. Those five are the main ones for me personally, but you can click the link 100 Reasons You Should Work Out if you want more.

So my routine is pretty straightforward and doable. I have to tell you guys that I am a complete nerd, one who spends so much time sitting down, whether I'm studying or on the Internet or practicing my violin... I'm on my bum for a majority of the time.

The moral of this story is: if I can do it, you can too!

Here's a schedule of what I do:

1. Wake up. I like to exercise in the mornings because it gives me a great feeling that carries me through the rest of my day.
2. Drink a glass of water. I usually also eat a small piece of bread or a little bit of fruit so that my body has something to process and doesn't kick into starvation mode when I start working out. It's important to put water and maybe a bit of food into your system especially if you're exercising in the mornings so you don't get weak during the workout.
3. Get in the zone. Have a routine or establish some visual cues before you work out so that your sympathetic nervous system will start preparing your body to get active. I splash some water on my face, put my hair up in a scrunchie, and dress in comfortable athletic gear.
4. Cardio for 30 minutes. I prefer doing the elliptical because I like reading while I exercise. For me it's like killing two birds with one stone. The elliptical is also nice because you can adjust resistance; it's also easier on your knees than a treadmill is. I'm currently reading Follow Me by David Platt. (During the school year, I bring textbooks. Like I said earlier, I'm a complete nerd.) I will read for 25 minutes, establishing a steady pace. And for the last five minutes, I push myself into a sprint and finish strong.
5. Cool down. I usually walk around, to relax my muscles and to catch my breath.
6. Stretch! I do tae kwon do, and flexibility is important or else you can seriously injure yourself. Stretching helps get blood into your muscles so it's good for muscle tone. It also helps with posture and prevents injury. I stretch after cardio because stretching on cold muscles is uncomfortable for me.
7. Strength training. My arms are the size of twigs and since I'm training for my black belt, I need to work my body so it will be able to do 100 squats, 100 sit-ups, 100 pushups, and 100 leg-lifts for that five-hour-long test. I give most of my attention to my abs and shoulders, so a lot of sit-ups, leg-lifts, and pushups. I also do a little bit of stretching in between to release tension.

This usually adds up to lasting an hour. When I'm done, I eat breakfast (a banana, or granola bar), take a cold shower and then I feel refreshed, in a great mood to tackle the day.

That's how I exercise in the mornings. An hour is such a small investment to how great I feel afterward. It's a pretty simple and straightforward routine, but the nice part about it is that you can make adjustments depending on your needs.

Again, being active is correlated to confidence and happiness. And you know what? Summer is the best time to be so because it's warm, bright, and comfortable.

If you have your own methods to working out or any other tips to share, please feel free to share in the comments below!

Take care as always. And happy June!
-Riley XO