Love at First Sight?

One of you guys recently asked me if I believe in love at first sight. It was kind of interesting because, well, I've never really thought about it long and hard before. Certainly not long and hard enough to write a solid post about it yet. As I let it marinate for a while, I realized that there may actually be a lot to say about this...

It's a common thing to say "Don't judge a book by its cover," but let's face it: First impressions count. Especially when I reached college and started meeting hundreds of people (as opposed to, say, my middle school that only 60 kids in the 6th-8th grades), I've found myself liking certain people due this little feeling that I get when I'm around them.

Before I transferred universities, I hung out with these two kids, named Eric and Eric. Eric W. I met through a mutual friend, and our personalities just kind of clicked. We didn't think that we'd see each other around much until our friend groups melded together, and then we eventually became best friends--close enough that he was able to tell me some of his darkest secrets. The way I met Eric T. is a more interesting story, though. Basically, he dressed up as a fairy for Halloween, and when I met him, we just instantly became best friends. (He was in my new profile picture the next day. The legitimacy of our best friendship was pretty hardcore.)

There was another instance when I decided that I liked my Organic Chemistry TA the first time we talked. The conversation went a little something like this:

     "Hey, I forgot to staple my lab report."
     "That means you're gonna fail then!"
     "..." (I was thinking: This guy is either super cool or is the biggest jerk ever!)
     "Haha, just kidding! I'd never fail someone for a silly thing like that. Here's a stapler."

Simple as it sounds, it was right then and there that I decided that my TA was cool and maybe Organic Chemistry wouldn't be as bad as I was thinking it would go.

On one hand, I could list off a whole bunch of times when a positive first impression led to a good friendship. We can gain a lot of insight into a person from the first time we meet them, especially if we ourselves are willing to be open and vulnerable about who we are too. Actually, it's a known fact that the average American decides whether s/he likes his/her date within the first 20 minutes of the date.

But on the other hand, "Oh this person seems cool" is way different from falling in love with him/her at first sight.

I guess part of it depends on what you think love means. When it comes to romantic love, I think of it as dedicating yourself to making the other person happy. It involves seeing marriage in the future. And I'm sorry if I offend you in being extremely blunt, but being willing to marry somebody and being willing to make major sacrifices for this person you've just seen/met...it's a little crazy.

Seeing someone across the way and feeling a connection--that's a connection, not really love. It could potentially turn into love in the future, and if you have a feeling and reason that you should pursue someone, then try it and see where it takes you. But true love takes time. It takes time to trust someone, to place your hopes in them and to share your dreams with them. It takes time to show them how much you care and to learn about their character and flaws. It takes time before you can say to another person, "I'm ready to fight with you. Through whatever life throws at us, through whatever valleys we must cross. I'm ready to fight for you, even if you hurt me. I want to rejoice with you in your joys and comfort you when you weep. I'm ready to dedicate a big part of my life to you."

Long story short: Attraction at first sight? Undoubtedly. Love at first sight? Unlikely.

What do you guys think about love at first sight? I know there are some opinions that must be different from mine--I do have much to experience, after all! Please let me know in the comments below!

Smile on :)

When Your Heart and Mind Conflict

My heart has taken me to some pretty cool places. The career I am aspiring to reach, some of the closest friends I have, starting Taekwondo despite a large amount of fear, a huge part of my personality--this blog--all exist in my life because I've followed my heart. But, my heart has gotten me into some trouble, too. Actually, it's gotten me really hurt before when I followed it foolishly. During these times, I think that if I'd thought about things just a little more, I wouldn't have had to go through as much pain as I did.

Sometimes, it seems like what our hearts want is at war with what our brains are telling us. I personally experienced this while I was thinking about gay marriage as a Christian. My heart told me to love and accept regardless of gender and sexuality, but my mind told me that Scriptures says that homosexuality and perversion of sexuality are sins. In this case, I let the thoughts and feelings marinate for a good while until I could finally formulate my overall viewpoint on the topic (which can be seen on this post #shamelessplug).

When it comes to loving another person, however, it oftentimes may not be so easy because we don't have to worry about how it'll impact us--it will impact the other person as well. Also, love is really a gamble. It is connected with your identity, sense of well-being, and happiness... Risking parts of these elements that define you is no joke. When I have a crush, and I'm wondering what I should do about my feelings, wondering if he feels the same way about me, this is how I feel:

But with a lot more violent hooks to the face.

What are we to do when the heart and mind are conflicting? Whenever I experience this inner war, it is either because I feel like I should do something, but there are many reasons against doing it. Like for example, when I was in a previous relationship, there was something that my partner did that bothered me. I wanted to speak my mind about it so that it would stop hurting me, but at the same time I didn't want him to get upset about it, make it too big of a deal, or get into a fight about it. Are the risks worth it?

The best way to deal with conflict between the mind and heart is to find a common ground between both sides. This is a very simple concept, but it's not as easy to execute most times. Here are two things to remind yourself when your mind is fighting your heart:

1. Ask yourself what your intentions are. Do you think that entering a relationship would be better for you and the other person? Well, hopefully it would benefit both! Does a problem between you and your partner affect you or him/her negatively so that you should talk about it? Be real with yourself and try to understand your own feelings before you try explaining them to another person.
2. Ask for advice. Sometimes, we feel like we are going through things alone. Truth is, we're never alone. It might sound a little creepy at first, but in reality, this is the greatest comfort for human beings. You could always talk to someone who knows you well, or someone who is in a relationship that understands what you're going through--or you could go to the Bible. Learning your friends' perspectives on your situation will give you an unbiased opinion that'll help you weed through all your feelings. (Just don't be offended if they happen to be brutally honest!)

And finally, here are some tips for you should you decide to go for making a change:

1. Don't be afraid of being vulnerable! We tend to want to avoid feeling stressed, anxious, or crazy. Actually, we really want to avoid being vulnerable. It is pretty scary putting yourself out there for something or someone, especially when we could potentially be hurt or rejected (or both). But you know what? When it comes to love, it is all about being vulnerable. I look at the purest, strongest, most beautiful form of love when I see Jesus on the cross. He died for me. He died because he wanted my sins to be washed away. He didn't expect me to dedicate my life to him. He didn't even expect me to believe in him. He gave up his dignity, freedom--his life--to save you. Without requiring anything. And he conquered death as a result. If God loves us like that, sinking down to the absolute lowest level and dying a scoundrel's death, we could sum up the courage to do this one thing for this one relationship. There is something beautiful in vulnerability, after all.
2. Be gentle, but firm. So you've decided what you want and have summed up the courage to bring it up. Be firm in your intentions. You want to make a change for the better. So hold onto that! But, don't go in hot-headed, waving your fist and screaming "I'M RIGHT!!" Be able to calmly explain how you feel, and also be ready to listen to their thoughts.
3. Be willing to compromise. I mean, this is a relationship we're talking about and not the United States Congress. Don't think of the situation as a war.
4. If things don't go your way, it's okay. No need to beat yourself up if things don't go the way you intended them to. You can only try your best, and it wouldn't be right if you controlled the other person. So hold your head up high if you did your best!

Smile on.

My Mind is on Love!

Hello, my friends! The last post was more on the serious side, but it is definitely good to be serious or political every now and then. We each have our own, individual thoughts. If we don't express what we think, then what's the point of it all?

Anyway, just thinking about all the things that are going on in my life, and thinking about the hashtag (#LoveWins) that has been exploding on the Internet about the legalization of gay marriage--my mind has been on love. Romantic love.

I haven't really written a whole lot on what I think of romance yet, have I guys? It's kind of weird, especially since I think that it is such a big part of our culture. How many of us grew up watching movies about falling in love? How many of us see getting married as part of our happily ever after? Despite all of this, I think that love is also something that's very misunderstood in our society. It is so complex, so thrilling.

You guys, it's time.

Time to do a series on love!

What are some must-speak-of topics that you have in mind? Would like to write a guest post on this topic to share your thoughts and story? Please leave a comment or email me at smilesnomatter@gmail.com!

Smile on :)

A Christian's Opinion on Sexuality

As you probably already know, gay marriage was legalized in the U.S. This is probably the most interesting of all the news my Facebook feed has heard in a long time. It is really not surprising to me that gay marriage is legal. Our society has been progressing towards one that values equality and equity. Politically, this is a good thing. It is a good thing that we want people to have the same opportunities despite their race, ethnicity, sex, and gender. I think that it's a rather noble goal to overcome the long-standing barriers everybody must face concerning privilege and injustice. So politically, it doesn't make sense to me if we were to support women's rights, support interracial relationships, support equality--and not support gay marriage. Does anyone want a society that is based on gray areas and blurred lines?

But as a Christian, what are we to do? The Bible tells us that homosexuality is a sin (Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9). There is really no denying that God's creation of sex is meant to be between a married man and woman. God wants us to prosper. He wants us to build up families, raise children to spread his love, comfort, and peace. He wants us to celebrate life!

God made sex to be a beautiful thing. It symbolizes love, vulnerability, and trust between a couple. We need to keep in mind that this beautiful gift has a purpose, though--to reproduce! Are we losing sight of this purpose?

Think of a flower. If you were to have this one, beautiful flower that you can offer to a person that you think you love. Giving this flower to anybody involves ripping the petals off this flower and cutting the stem into pieces. The value of that flower decreases as you give more and more pieces to more and more people. Sex is a lot like that, but more--it's a contract between a man and a woman. Giving it to multiple partners makes it lose not only its value, but its entire meaning.

Christians should be sad about the sexual immorality that our society has embraced. It is sad that this celebration of life has become perverted into something that advertisers use to sell products. It is sad that pornography has become a multibillion dollar industry in the United States alone. It is sad that rape isn't rare. And ultimately, it is sad that society has lost sight of the beauty--the meaning--of sex. Even marriage is losing its meaning... Just look at the divorce rates these days.

Homosexuality is a sin, but so is every other perversion of sexuality. No matter what gender/sexuality we each affiliate with, we all face tremendous temptations and trials.

It is up to us to remind those around us how precious our bodies are, how precious marriage is, and how precious sex is. It is up to us to hold ourselves accountable to God. Sin isn't only between you and one other party--it's between you and God. Does this strike any awe to you guys?

But let's face it, there are a few Christians that have gone around this the wrong way. There is a difference between being constructive and being judgmental. When I think about how to deal with another person's sin, I think of how Jesus dealt with others' sins in the Bible. He did not avoid confronting people about their sin. He brought it out into the light. The worst thing you've ever done? Jesus knows it. Jesus didn't just acknowledge sin, though. He healed it. He said, "Yeah, you've messed up a ton in your life. You know what, though? I love you. I am here for you. I'm here to take away the pain and trauma that you've brought upon yourself. I have so much love for you that I am wiping away all the darkness in your life--wiping it away so clean that it'll be as if you were born again."

There is no way I can do what Jesus did. The amount of love in my heart is a single drop compared to his oceans. Jesus made things pretty simple for us. He summed up how Christians should act in two sentences: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength... [And] love your neighbor as yourself."

How would I want somebody to treat me when it comes to my sin? Naturally, I'd want to be able to talk about it. I'd want to talk to someone who was patient and compassionate. Someone who didn't push for details or draw their own conclusions. Someone who is pragmatic, wise, and understanding. I look for somebody who considers him/herself as a friend. I'm not looking for someone to talk down on me, but someone who sincerely wants the best for me.

So this is how I want to treat those around me. With kindness, sincerity, patience, and love. Many people consider all of these to be signs of weakness, but although there is darkness all around us, it doesn't give us any reason to hide our light.

The problem of expressing gender and sexuality doesn't belong to the LGBTQ community. It is inherently a human problem.

Quick disclaimer: These are my thoughts and opinions looking through a Christian lens, but I do not claim to represent all Christians' viewpoints. We all differ in what we think, after all!

What do you think about the legalization of gay marriage and hypersexualization in our society? Does your political lens differ from your religious lens? What do you think we should do to address this situation? Let me know in the comments below!

Smile on.

A Graduation Tribute to my Sister

Hello, world! This post is going to be a little more personal from my other posts because it is a little bit more personal. I just wanted to congratulate the Class of 2015 and hope that all of you take this time of the year to celebrate everything you've accomplished and look forward to the things that life has to offer! 

Love you, and will write to you again soon.

Smile on,

-smilesifyXO

*****

Eighteen years ago, a 7-pound little Asian girl named Dana was born. At the time, I wasn't yet sure of what to expect from my new sister, but my parents were pretty convinced that we would be best friends...or something like that.

Anyhow, things didn't really go exactly the way my parents planned. Because Dana and I fought over practically everything. Consider Mom's distress when we even argued over which cup was whose--when there were two identical cups, untouched, on the table! There were some days when I would think that Dana was against me for every minute of the day, until playtime came along. I think to some of my play dates and a lot of fights with my friends originated from playtime. We would bicker about who got to wear what costume, who got to be this character, et cetera. Surprisingly and to all of our relief, Dana and I never argued when we played. My time playing with my sister was a sanctuary. It didn't matter who we pretended to be as long as we were pretending together. And it didn't matter if we'd just come out of a spanking from fighting over another stupid thing that kids fight about. When we came together with our imaginations, nothing could stop us unless we were done, or unless if Mom was yelling at us to go to bed already, it's 8pm.

Dana and I went to Shepherd of the Hills Christian School. They say that the second child is the more socially adept one, and our family wasn't an exception to this. I struggled with friendships throughout my whole time in Shepherd, and it wasn't until 8th grade when I finally settled in with a friend group that I could fully relate with and confide in... This is saying something, considering that I'd known most of these kids since Kindergarten. Dana, on the other hand, never had a problem connecting with her peers and making friends. In fact, I can't even call her a social butterfly, because butterflies needed to once be a grubby, awkward-looking caterpillar. Dana cared so much about each person she encountered. People were never afraid to come to her with their problems, and she always did her best to support her friends, even as they dragged her into the middle of their arguments. She's reliable, trustworthy, and understanding, and she never let her friends down. I think that her Confirmation verse, John 8:12, inspires her. Dana recognizes Jesus as the Light of the world, and as a part of being his child, she is a small light herself.

Her caring spirit continued shining when she got to high school. At first, Dana didn't want to go to our high school because I was there, and she didn't want to go through that thing that some teachers tend to do. You know, like, "Oh, Nikki was a great student; I'm going to assume that you're going to be just like her because you're her sister." But after many conversations, our family decided that this school was the best option, because it was close, and because of the AP Program, which Dana excelled in. She has taken so many AP classes: Biology, Chemistry, Government, Literature, Language and Composition, Macroeconomics, European History, U.S. History, Calculus, and Environmental Science. Yep, she's kind of awesome at school. She didn't stop there, though!

In lieu of listing off her whole resume, let's just highlight a few of her accomplishments:

1.       Became the President of Eco Club, which brought some new, efficient lights to the high school.

2.       Was a "fielder" on the Varsity Track & Field team, throwing heavy things very far!

3.       Was a valued part of various honors societies, for academics and musical talents.

4.       Became a Green Belt in Taekwondo. (I don't think that Dana really considers this as one of her major accomplishments, but I am just sayin'.)

Anyway, Dana was really nervous that she wouldn't find her place in high school. Like, so nervous that she didn't want to go there. But now that she's a senior, it is easy to ask any of her friends, teammates, fellow club members, classmates, and teachers if they think she will go far, and none of them would have any doubts!

My sister's accomplishments are pretty cool, but I think that the most important thing she has gained from high school is a sense of self. Dana has encountered so many people in her life already, and while she is optimistic and kind, she is very smart. She has impacted the lives of the people around her with her smile, good advice, and listening ear.

Dana has taught me these things so far:

1.       Age does not equal maturity points.

2.       A listening ear can offer much more comfort than a bucket-load of solid advice.

3.       It is possible to sleep through anything if you set your heart and soul to it.

I am excited to see you in college next semester, Dana. I look forward to continue growing with you and watching you continue to do exciting things. I couldn't have asked for a better sister in Christ.  

Keep Your Dreams Alive!

Hello there, friends! How are you this beautiful Friday? I got out of school last week, and this week I've just been relaxing and catching up on a whole lot of sleep! I've reflected a bit on how life went last semester, and realized how easy it is to get so caught up in the mundane that we forget why we started doing what we're doing in the first place! Can any of you out there relate too? Like, I think back and am a little sad to admit that all the schoolwork I did was mostly aimed at getting good grades--in a few of my classes, I failed to find joy in the learning process. I missed out on so much happiness there! So many extracurricular things were going on in my life, and at the time it was really hard, but now I look back and am proud of the work I've done.

So anyhow, I found this TED talk a while back--probably around the crazy time of finals. I wanted to share this with you because Bel Pesce's words rekindled that inner flame when I reminded myself why I'm doing what I'm doing.

Keep your dreams alive, and never lose sight of who you are.

Smile on,
-smilesifyXO